I feel as though I have been deluding myself from the start. It sucks realising that things are not as good as you hoped to be and you don't know how to change it. Janine's statement really jerked me back to reality -unintentionally- and she doesn't realise what effect her words had on me. It's not her fault. It was just a random thing to say on a random day. The trip is looming. Crystal commented on how I don't seem very excited about it. I thought it was just common tests blues. I guess it's not. I know it's very irresponsible to say I don't feel like going when a lot of people went through so much trouble to help me so that I can go. So I should just shut my trap and make the best out of it. A lot of people would want to be in my shoes.
I don't know why I am blogging. Something is keeping me awake at this unearthly hour. I can't figure it out. There are instances when the child inside you awakens and you want everything, be it unreasonable or not. You want the world to revolve around you; You want everybody else to give in to you; You feel like shrugging off your duties and obligations and behave like what youths are supposed to-- bum around. You want to snuggle under your covers and everything will be all right when you wake up. I seem to experience many of these moments nowadays.
Heart-to-heart talks would be nice though I may just pull that person down into depression with me. If I can just know who and what to talk about.
I should sleep.
