It seems like my new year resolutions are long due. Not that people usually commit to their resolutions but I suppose they will give me some guide to becoming a better person for myself and the people around me. Here goes.
1.Be more contented. It didn't really struck me how unsatisfied I am with myself until well, recently. Joy doesn't come easily to me anymore, beginning from the end of A levels.. And nothing seems to really make me happy. High standards. I guess Im too in tune with the idea of perfection, with the vehement belief that perfection is attainable if I work hard enough and thus the many private breakdowns. It just struck me that perfection is not a reality and it then really sank in that I was(or still am) pushing myself way too hard. Hopefully, 2009 will help me loosen up.
2.More self controlUnfortunately, while Im usually single-minded and rather disciplined in the pursuits of my goals, I severely lack self control when dealing with my emotions. True, I have better restrain when dealing with those overwhelming urges to cry in front of the whole world but keeping in anger is..well, quite hard for me. Im really sorry for all the sulky moments and Justice-Bao-faces when I get too exasperated with something, pms or not. The period before As was probably the darkest (literally!) part of my life yet; I remember someone commented "Mieo always never smile in school". At that time I thought it was pretty harsh for it wasnt directed to my face, just spoken out loud to someone else kind enough to pass on the message to me. I didn't realise how much my moods affected my friends, and that remark made me snap back into reality. For the sake of the emotional health of myself as well as the people around me, I shall try my very best to rein in whatever anger and frustration I have. Perhaps I should learn to meditate.
3.To keep true to my promises and commitments.I think this was one of the resolutions I made last year that I can proudly say I stuck to. No empty promises as far as I can remember. Sticking through all my commitments even though I was half dead trying to keep up. This is supposed to come in real handy considering the challenges lying near ahead. Since I could survive JC, what's more in the future! I can do it. (:
4.Be more outgoing. I think friends will agree with me that Im no longer that introverted person they'd known. Especially long time ones where the change would have been gradual but no doubt significant. Still, there's still the obstacle of fear preventing me from opening up in front of strangers sometimes. Again, I think I've improved a lot in this aspect and going on strong!
5.Be braver.Courage in the sense that I will dare to express my emotions without breaking down. I really hate this part of me, unable to confront people or just to clear up misunderstandings `coz Im afraid. Of what I don't know either. It seems pretty cowardly everytime I see and feel the need to clear up the air but chose to embrace escapism instead. This will most likely be the hardest resolution to hold on to. :/
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Im done with
Twilight,
New Moon,
Eclipse,
Breaking Dawn. (((: Ask me if you want spoilers. ;) I would gladly be of service!
