The world works in reverse. That, or it exhibits rebellious tendencies. I realise that the more you want something, the more you won't get it. Even if you get it, you will realise that you don't want it as much as you thought you wanted. Take the recent spate of events for instance, the more I think I should save, the more I spend. The more I know I should speed up and get my work done in time, the more I procrastinate. Funny, I thought I was long past the rebellious age. The fighting spirit has gone out of me. That is scary. Especially when the road ahead is still so long and uncertain.
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Been sinking into moments of antisocial-ism. All of a sudden, solitude seems like a wonderful thing. No need to put on a facade and pretend to be happy when you seriously don't have the energy to. No need to keep the conversation going when all you want to do is just stare into space and think about how life sucks. No need to control your emotions when all you feel like doing is to scream and rant. And the worst thing is, I don't see the need to snap out of this antisocial-ism. Been feeling so jaded. About my innate responsibilities and obligations as the older child in the family. About maintaining my discipline. About being the source of inspiration. About being relied on. About everything.
Basically, life is just like a vacuum cleaner; it sucks.
