Was reading through my archives from 2006 on and a lot of memories came back to me. Sorrowful ones like my grandpa's death and memorable ones like my New York trip with VJCSB. I feel sort of weird discovering that my life now is so different from merely 7 months ago, when my life was just school, ccas and school. And the fact that my use of language hasn't really changed. That's entirely different for my outlook on life right now. Joining the workforce these past few months have really shifted my mindset about a lot things and clouded my view on the previously perceived utopian Singapore. Or just society for that matter. Quite a number of my previous entries surround stress and unhappiness but I actually sounded quite cheerful and optimistic despite the very depressing content. Reading my posts now, I realise that Im inclining more to the glass-is-half-empty view on life. It really sucks how just a few months of work can totally change your prespective on adult life.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Days have passed and Im blogging after my last day of work (the real one). I think I can never get used to the feeling at farewells, no matter how eager I am to leave. I went to work quite light-hearted today, thinking about the upcoming month when I would get to laze around amidst all the outings and sleepovers, and quite relieved that I don't have to suffer all the stress of meeting tight deadlines anymore. I was still rather cheerful when I went for lunch, knowing that it will be my last lunch with Joyceline for a long long time to come. It was only when I went back after lunch and this trainer called the office that I felt a bit sad. This trainer has been particularly nice to me, so motherly and caring and all, and she sounds really glad to hear from me everytime I call her (not like some uhmm,-). She wished me good luck with university, my future career, getting a phd and all. It was normal, hearing it so many times already each time I graduate and I didn't feel anything until she said, "I hope you will remember me always." I choked and almost teared on the spot. It was so unexpected, after being treated like no one important, of a lowly temp status, that someone actually appreciates your help. The people in my office (aka my
colleagues)just treated today as any other normal day, except maybe a little sadness on Carina's part. And the office was quieter today, or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. I was allowing myself a tiny glint of hope that there would be a proper goodbye said from all 3 of them, maybe some pictures and I would whip out the cards I have written for them out of politeness - there, happy ending. But that tiny flicker of hope died when Jameela just walked out of the door with a nonchalant "bye", without even turning her face to look at me. My impression of her wasn't that good from the start, and it never changed up to my last day. And then it was left with Carina, Lia and I in the office. I was trying to summon up my courage to hand them my cards when Lia spoilt the mood by asking me to find proper envelopes for the cds. In the end, Carina left while I was searching frantically for the envelopes, with an expressionless but a sincere goodbye. I just left the envelopes on their desks and was thinking that I would at least get to hand Lia her card personally when I found her talking on the phone and treating everybody else (aka me) as invisible as usual. I just placed the card on her tray and left. She called just as I was about to cross the road, asking me why I didn't say goodbye properly to her. Her farewell speech over the phone, as short as it was, actually made me cry. Luckily nobody noticed me. XD Or pretended not to notice. In any case, it was a mixture of sadness and joy that Ive finally left, after so many bogus last days. Happy because I don't have to get scolded by b***hy trainers anymore, and for no reason either, don't have to rush courseware materials constantly and making me panic. Sad because I have already gotten used to everything, both the good and the bad. I guess working in both big and small companies gave me a very comprehensive experience of the corporate world. In big companies, there was no motivation, the workload was very little, office politics overwhelmed the place. In small companies, there is almost no office politics. You learn to tune to the habits of every colleague around you and rely on them to get through crisis. You also get to experience every single thing firsthand, unlike in big companies where you specialise in this thing and only this thing. I really really gained a lot from this job, both tangibly and intangibly, even though it was downright unpleasant at times. Someone said I was calmer! XD
Okay, I shall let go but remember the past and embrace the future. University here I come!
