into the hands of fate

2010-05-05T15:33:00.001+08:00

Trying out wordpress, and if I like it enough, I may move there permanently. Blogger, Im potentially abandoning you. XD

Find me if you can, it should be pretty easy. :D

2010-05-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

He's not perfect.
You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect.
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can.
He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.
Don't hurt him, don't change him and don't expect more than he can give.
Don't analyse.
Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had.
Because perfect guys don't exist, but there is always one guy that is perfect for you.
-Bob Marley

2010-04-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

Mieo Teng has 554 friends. 137 of them are male, 306 are female, and 111 are confused about their gender.

Based on her Facebook profile, Mieo has a 82% chance of getting married and is likely to have 2 children over her reproductive years.

She will make about $8,757,977 in her life and pay $2,627,393 in taxes.

In Mieo's life, she will have spent 24 years sleeping, and 692 hours on the toilet.

She will probably live to be about 84 years old. 499 people will attend her funeral with 4 of them expecting some kind of inheritance.

The income part sounds little..$8,757,977 for my whole life?

2010-04-14T12:57:00.000+08:00

Dear Mieo Teng, you have drawn your house. Here is the analysis:
웃 : You are sensitive and indecisive at times.
웃 : You are a freedom lover and a strong person.
웃 : You are shy and reserved. You always want to live alone.
웃 : Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you.
웃 : You are an ambitious person.
웃 : You will avoid being alone,
웃 : and seek the company of others whenever possible.
웃 : You love excitement and create it wherever you go.
웃 : You always have plans on your mind.
웃 : You have a strong personality and you like to command,
웃 : influence and control people.
웃 : You are not a romantic person by nature.
웃 : We also see that you are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate.
웃 : You are self-confident and happy with your life.

2010-04-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

Why is it that this semester is full of bad days?

Even French has let me down today. J'adore beaucoup faire du saxophone. When I fully know that its J'adore beaucoup jouer du saxophone. Among other stupid things. Cherie commented that I looked damn nervous/stressed coz my face was all red. I swear I didn't think it was so bad. But if my nervousness sort of excused me for my stupid careless mistakes, then it's not so bad I guess.

I think it's really a trend to see students getting jaded when they reach the higher levels of education, and that those who come out top in the end are not the brightest but really those who have the highest levels of perserverance. I don't like the feeling of being trapped in this vicious cycle, feeling jaded but not daring to let loose coz once you do so, you will lag behind and start regretting everything. I know everybody's stuck in this all together, but seriously, it doesn't help much to know that there are many other people going through the same s*** as you when they always do relatively better. One of my tutors was commenting that the students in NBS all have a greater chance to become high fliers, and that it's a failure to not earn, say, 60k a year by your fifth year. I think these baby boomers never actually considered the fact that your career in the financial industry is shortlived and that a lot of NBS students don't actually want to become accountants but are stuck in the rat race out of habit and the lack of prospects in the future. The worse thing is, you get raised eyebrows when you say anything that subtlely resembles "I don't really care about grades" even though you really mean it, coz even when you are not after first class honours, you still scramble to get good grades just so to secure your ricebowl and not be left hanging at the bottom rungs of the ladder.And what's left for us to do except accept life as it is? As long as Im stuck in this vicious cycle, I may very well just start mugging. Exams in a week's time.

2010-04-08T16:57:00.000+08:00

Im gonna practise my french for my oral next week! This feels like primary school oral all over again, only this time it's more scary. D:

Les examens sont s’approachent, et je ne suis pas révise. Merde. Touts des personnes sont intelligent mais je ne suis pas. Je veux regarder télévision mais je dos étudier. Je veux joue. Ècole est ennuyeuse. Comptabilité est difficile. Pourquoi ma vie est comme c’est? Je suis fatiguée.

It sounds broken. Oh whatever.

2010-03-24T23:03:00.001+08:00

Well, it has been a fulfilling day, long since I participated in any hall event. Captain ball really brings back memories, and a shopping voucher won too. (:

I've got a feeling. woo~
That tonight's gonna be a good night.

2010-03-22T13:27:00.000+08:00

Suddenly felt a bit freer with the cancellation of YOGSO practice tonight.Wanting's question last night seems to be bugging me at the back of my head subconsciously, so have decided to pen down whatever random thoughts I have. She asked, "Did you regret not joining salsa?" while we were watching salsa en sync heat up the audience with their hot sizzling moves last night. Frankly, I don't know my answer to that. I mean, it has been my lifetime dream to be able to dance, no matter what kind, to be able to shine with confidence on stage. It was only under uncontrollable circumstances that my parents didn't sent me to dance classes when I was young, not that anyone was to blame. I remembered telling myself before university that I must join some dance club in university, and going for the introductory salsa class and deciding not to go for auditions because I felt uncomfortable with the touchy-feeliness. Modern jazz was well, not my type. So I ended up not joining any dance groups. Watching the dance concert last night has sort of reignited my desire to be able to dance, making me wonder again if I should consider joining next semester. And I remembered the movie "Ice Princess" - "If I fail, I know that I have failed because I am not good enough, not because I didn't have the guts to try."

Well, now the focus should be on this make-people-pull-their-hair-out marketing presentation, mid terms and the usual overflowing pile of schoolwork.

2010-03-22T02:15:00.000+08:00

Ironically, more often than not, it's the seemingly ridiculous or unexpected things that teach you the most important life lessons. This crazy obssession with Full House has brought me a lot of distractions from what is important but little did I know that it actually influenced me quite a bit, in terms of my mindset, but not character, unfortunately. It would do me good to be able to talk things out instead of letting them build up, to break through the strong wall I have built to keep my emotions in, to be more gracious. It's gonna be hard, but Im still gonna try.

2010-03-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

News of Jack Neo's mistresses is the only thing people can talk about nowadays. Pictures of his press conference was splashed across the front pages of every Singapore newspaper for a week already. To me, it was just a scandal that finally gave the bored reporters in Singapore a chance to report salacious news and turn the newspapers virtually into a tabloid until I came across this article about it in Weekend Today; ironically because Today hasn't been credited for containing articles worth reading all this while. The article actually shows a different perspective from what I have been reading, about whether Jack Neo should apologise to the public (the journalist's stand is no), about his cowardice in dragging his wife along to the press conference in the hope for greater sympathy, how he should make a comeback into the media industry. I think Irene has the biggest and the most magnanimous heart in the world to forgive Jack Neo for this major betrayal. Not one mistress, but 2. Who knows how many more? Frankly, I don't think he deserves a wife like her. Who will forget to apologise to his wife after being discovered keeping mistresses, especially after putting her through further torture and humiliation by getting her to appear on public for the press conference? Disgusted. He is such a bad example to society, such a letdown to all who supported him. I definitely disagree with most that he doesn't have the need to apologise to public. He needs to.

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I was rather shocked when I saw this flyer shoved under the crack in my door when I returned to hall on Thursday night. 'The Death Penalty' is written in big font at the top, with a picture of a pair of siblings filling up half the flyer. For a moment, I thought it was some fright night advertisement; or a very bad joke. It turned out to be an ongoing effort to raise awareness about the appeal to abolish the mandatory death sentence for drug cases. http://sgdeathpenalty.blogspot.com I don't know how I feel about this appeal. Needless to say, even though Vui Kong was only 18 years old when he carried 47g of heroin into Singapore, the age of impulsive and hot-headed decisions that many regret afterwards, he did committed the crime. We really owe it to Singapore's stringent laws that we can live here safe and sound, keep our doors unlocked while we sleep, walk on the streets alone at night etc. Sentencing a teenage to death the moment he made a major mistake seems inhumane, but think of the harm those drugs can bring to innocent victims! On the other hand, his background really induces sympathy, for he doesn't have the chance to get an education, make something of himself and he had no proper guidance, nobody to turn to when he chose the wrong path. Moreover, this merciless mandatory death sentence against drugs and kidnapping no matter what the circumstances seem very not in line with the yellow ribbon project that Singapore is so actively promoting. Even the hardcore criminals will fear when the death penalty is stamped on them, when facing the gallows, never mind an 18-year-old! And what is to say that he will not turn over a new leaf? I fervently hope that he will be given another chance and the death sentence be removed. It will be too cruel to have raise his hopes in filing for an appeal and then his hopes dashed again if the appeal fails, especially when his life is concerned.

2010-03-13T00:41:00.001+08:00

What a bad week. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Encountered some major problems with the supplier that kept me stressed all week, got back my critical thinking assignment which made my worst grade for a writing assignment ever, flunked (and I mean seriously flunked) a quiz today. Plus, I realised I forgot to submit my MSO after the deadline was over for 15 hours. I must have been at the lowest point of my life right now.

The only good thing that happened was that YOGSO made it into the YOG entertainers! (: We are going on global television!! But that means a lot of hard work ahead. And between CACFOC, hall FOC, hall OCIP, possible ad-hoc/part-time work and YOGSO practices, I can seriously kiss my nice 4 months vacation goodbye. It's like the only chance we will get this long a break and I had to go fill it up with tons of activities. It's so typical of me.

I really appreciate those who really cared when I mentioned how bad my week was. (: Thanks for your support, it's friends like you who keep me going. (:

2010-03-07T21:10:00.001+08:00

Forever - John Stamos and the Beach Boys

If every word I said
Could make you laugh
I'd talk forever (together my love)
I'd ask the sky just what we had
It showed forever
(together my love)
If the song I sing to you
Could fill your heart with joy
I'd sing forever
(together my love)

Forever, forever
I've been so happy loving you

(together my love)
Let the love I have for you live in your heart
And be forever
(together my love)
Forever, forever
I've been so happy loving you
If every word I said could make you laugh
I'd talk forever
Na na na na na na, na na na na na na...
Forever, forever
I'll be so happy loving you

Im a sucker for oldies. ((: <3 this song.

2010-03-01T01:43:00.001+08:00

I have half the mind to move my blog to livejournal/wordpress for more privacy but sloth prevents me from doing so.

It's a scary feeling not knowing who you can rely on.

2010-02-26T00:55:00.000+08:00

I think it's the holiday mood for the not so holiday-ish recess week. Im actually not planning to touch my tutorial for tomorrow at all. Im slipping deeper and deeper into the abyss of unmotivation. :S

While waiting for my groupmates to fight out who is going to be assigned the important task of printing and binding our report, I shall do something to entertain myself.

Been seeing many friends 'becoming a fan' for those random lines that make you smile/salut, and I've came up with a few of my own. XD

1. Refusing to wake up to go to school only to fall asleep during lessons.
2. Pretending to nod and agree when you don't actually understand what you've just heard.
3. Thinking of random stuff and smiling/laughing to yourself.
4. Nothing's wrong with me, Im not emoing, Im just very tired.
5. Seeing something/someone for a split second can keep your spirits up for the whole day.
6. When I say 'It's okay', I don't really mean it sometimes.
7. Keeping your composure on the outside even though you're shaking with hurt on the inside.
8. OMG Im going to screw up, but you know you still have to get through it. By yourself.
9. Forgetting what you want to say the moment someone interrupts you.
10. Getting raised hopes, and then dashed again.

Cool eh. Shall do this again when Im, like free. XD

2010-02-25T13:34:00.002+08:00

Dear Mieo Teng, you have finish taken The Clothes You Wear Personality Test.
The analysis: You are probably a clever and adventurous person. You love to learn new things, and enjoy socializing with friends. Although you enjoy your freedom, you cherish peacefulness and like to spend time alone with your thoughts.
What others see from your style:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Although to the untrained eye you may seem like a plain dresser who avoids trends
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You actually wear carefully designed accessories
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Clothes that emphasize your uniqueness
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You value your freedom
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Have an artistic mind
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are neither aggressive nor timid
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : But you believe in yourself
What your nightclothes reveal:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are friendly
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Always in good mood
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are candid
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Helpful
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Can be sexy at times too
What others see from your ties:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are a happy
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Contented person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are protective of your friends
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Honest
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Tidy
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are hardworking
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Like to be the person in charge
What others see from your belts:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You don't like to show your feelings
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Normally
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are gentle
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Friendly
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : But you don't like socializing
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : It can be difficult to get to know you well
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You probably only have a few close friends
What others see from your shoes:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are kind
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Open-minded
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You may not be talkative
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : But you are friendly
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Enjoy the company of intelligent people
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You always keep the secrets of others
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Never play tricks on people
What others see from your earrings:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are a sweet
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Talkative person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are sociable
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Energetic
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Interesting
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Get easily bored by the same old things
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are always looking for adventure

Contradictory no? But nice analysis. (:

2010-02-21T22:51:00.001+08:00

I seriously need to practise more tolerance even with sleep deprivation and so many pressing issues competing for my time. ): Got rather pissed/annoyed with this friend for being too slack (in my opinion) and making us all do last minute stuff for presentations even though the rest of us reminded him umpteen times to get things done sooner. And being the open book that I am, my annoyance showed through quite clearly. Im not sorry for feeling pissed, though Im not proud of my lack of control. And today, I got really frustrated and pek chek while explaining Math to my tutee over the phone because she was asking really stupid questions while I was trying to rush my 20% assignment to meet my deadline (8am tomorrow). Questions like 'Why do I need to divide to find k in 7056k = LCM?', 'Why LCM must find using two numbers? Why cannot just use one number to find?' And I had to play it down to primary school terms before she understood after like 30 minutes. Maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated if she really didn't understand, but she just didn't bother to think/check answers before shooting off these ridiculous questions. But yar, more self-control and patience needed. Im feeling a lot less stressed since I submitted my assignment a few minutes ago already though.

Hall Olympiad events all over! No more competitive running! ((: One more week till recess week!

2010-02-20T12:03:00.004+08:00

Dear Mieo Teng, below are your Personality Tests result:
Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Your view on yourself:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are down-to-earth
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : People like you because you are so straightforward
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are a true romantic
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : When you are in love
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You will do anything
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Everything to keep your love true
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person
The seriousness of your love:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are very serious about relationships
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : If you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You will fall deeply
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Beautifully in love
Your views on education:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You listen to your own instincts
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Tend to follow your heart
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So you will probably end up with an unusual job
The right job for you:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You have many goals
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Want to achieve as much as you can
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy
How do you view success:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of failure
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous
What are you most afraid of:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of things that you cannot control
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel

ZOMG. It's damn accurate! Except for the full of confidence and the relationship part. But I suppose like all Facebook quizzes, it's a coincidence. (:

2010-02-17T00:27:00.000+08:00

I wonder if I jinxed the year with my previous post or that this Tiger really brought along bad luck. CNY this time round wasn't good at all. The festive mood was gone upon news of my distant nephew's death in Korea on the first day of CNY while on holiday, for reasons unknown. It was sad that a 3-year-old kid left the world just like that, without any opportunity to even enjoy life properly.

Reunion dinner was uneventful, although there was unmistakable tension with *ahem*. Grandma wasn't in the best of health either. D: My only grandparent left. And from what my cousins commented, CNY is not really CNY without any grandparents. It's like, they are the reason aunts and uncles still congregate, still bother to eat a proper reunion dinner, bother to even talk to one another. Since my grandfather passed away 3 years ago, I haven't seen this prticular family; I don't think I will recognise them anymore even if I bump into them on the streets. While my maternal side kins still gather, I can't help feeling that the bond is not there anymore. There are certain discriminations made more obvious, displeasures less hidden. I can't help thinking that if this generation of us don't get along as well, our family will really disintegrate. I really hope the bonds among us cousins are strong enough. I have an ultra dramatic family, on both sides too.

In addition, so many of my friends are flying off/flew off to pursue their dreams in the land of Aussie. Couldn't send Lima off, sent Janine off. It's like, when you start sending your friends off to foreign land to study, you know that you are really growing up. Even though this fact should have sank in long ago.

It's still happy CNY I suppose.

2010-02-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

It's really during times of stress and turmoil do you get to see the friends who are willing to go the extra mile for you.

Seems like a not-so-great lunar new year this time round.

Been feeling so suffocated with so much work, yet I have to put on a strong front every single day, on my attempts to not let stress overcome me, holding on to the belief that Im a lot stronger than I thought I could be. Everyday I woke up feeling sleep deprived, yet I force myself to carry on with lectures, tutorials, even though I will end up falling asleep somehow. And at the end of each day, I would wonder, why am I pushing myself so hard? And then it all boils down to this self fulfilling prophecy. Like, I made this mess, I have to hang in there and push on. And to do the best I can. Or I will be letting myself down. But there are times, when the effort you put in doesn't seem that much worthwhile, no one is going to appreciate it if I fall sick while rushing here and there, and I really just wanna dump everything and throw my covers over my head. It doesn't help that people think you are being irresponsible and complacent, even though you know that they are just being judgmental and you're not really like that. Everybody has their own share of problems and difficulties, friends can be understanding to a certain extent, but ultimately, everything boils down to self interest as the top priority and friends have to be compromised.

Jaded.

2010-02-06T14:21:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in ur life just because she comes off strong doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying, even though she acts like nothing is wrong, maybe she's just really good at pretending.

Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in ur life You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together. Justifying what could've, should've, would've happened. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.

So true.

2010-02-02T20:03:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, it's the effort that matters more than anything else. Not the outcome. A pity a lot of people can't see that.

2010-01-30T21:43:00.000+08:00

Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2009

In Appreciation of

Miracullious

for your invaluable contribution and support ...

I thought I filled in my name. Zzz.

2010-01-29T22:08:00.002+08:00

2010-01-23T00:04:00.000+08:00

So it's the back to school blues again. Back to the routine of sleeping at the wee hours of the morning and falling asleep in class. This semester started off too fast, almost like a bullet train rushing to journey around the globe before the looming unknown deadline. The most interesting incident that has happened so far would probably be my trip to the dentist after uhh, 3 years? I've forgotten how torturous dentist trips were, lying on that chair in the vulnerable position while the dentist poke and drill mercilessly around your teeth. Especially the fillings OMG. Floss daily Mieo! Shan't be too lazy from now on. Since the dental trip was stuck in the middle of the afternoon between lessons, I didn't get to eat lunch. There was not enough time before my appointment and after that, I didn't feel like eating anything due to the sickly rubber glove smell in my mouth. Today was the rushing of tutorials between breaks and I forgot to eat lunch. Gosh. Im becoming so tardy recently. Should probably set reminders timed at my breaks so that I won't forget to eat. Shall go catch up on my sleep already. Tada!

2010-01-15T17:45:00.000+08:00

These 2 days have been physically straining man. Yesterday was rockclimbing in school for the BoulderMania event. Wouldn't go if Yijie hadn't asked and I sort of dragged Cheryl along with me. XD Considering the fact that I was wearing bermudas, climbed barefooted (as advised by Yije or I wouldn't have reached the top)and my arms have the strength of an old man, I fell several times after just two routes and walked away with abrasions on my left leg, a chipped toe nail and trembling arms. Xinru came over to work on Melissa's farewell card and almost immediately after, I had to rush to Xuelian's room to get something. Xuelian literally lives on top of the mountain and I was panting when I reached. And then I was late for Vday meeting already and I was running after Bus C rather unglamly, sweating buckets when I reached SAC. In addition, the meeting overshot by one hour and I had to run back to hall for OCIP meeting. I can't imagine how hagged I looked by that time (Oh shit image ruined)only to find that the meeting was wrapping up. Dragged home the CNY goodies along with my other stuff and I just collapsed onto my bed at 2.30 am.

Snoozed the alarm today and woke up late. Rushed to ECP to meet Xinru and Yizhen to finish the card and Melissa drove by with a BMW. (: Cycling was eventful. Upon the first few minutes, I met this man cycling in my direction and I couldn't swerve in time. I collided with the bushes with Xinru screaming behind me. Came up with scratches on my right arm and right thigh. Damn ugly can. Especially my right thigh, which looks like the Joker's face. I think my sensory neurons weren't working properly because I didn't feel anything from the cuts. It was then quite relaxing as we cycled all the way to NSRCC, stopping to take pictures along the way. Another accident happened when we were returning the bikes. Either I wasn't thinking, my reaction was too slow or I was just too tired but I hit Melissa from behind and we both fell to the ground with our bikes on top of us. I was damn horrified can. Luckily, she didn't get any injuries except for tiny abrasions on her left palm. I walked away with dirty tyre marks all over my left leg and a few more cuts to add on. Oh well. This will be the most memorable farewell Melissa will ever get I guess.

Right now, Im aching all over and look like a half-baked lobster due to my tardiness (forgot to put sunblock). Geeeeez. YOGSO video filming on Monday. I don't wanna appear on screen looking like a drunkard!

2010-01-12T11:32:00.000+08:00

Coming back to hall doesn't feel as comfortable as I thought it would be. Being unprepared doesn't help too, with lecture notes unprinted and having to ask around to check if lessons for electives are on.

Now I really know what differentiates friends and acquaintances. I tend to act differently with friends and with acquaintances; probably the reason many people have different judgements about me. Oh well. Not that Im bothered by it.

Feeling a little..disappointed that so much has been going on without me knowing. Hurt would be a better word I suppose. Don't feel very reciprocated when I try to tell people everything to keep them updated when they don't even bother to tell me what they are doing. I mean, what are friends for? I agree that it's human nature to to want to stick to ones that you are closer/more comfortable with, and that it's not everybody's nature to mingle. That's why Im always sticking to the same few people. They know my every single thought by just reading my face and through what I say and vice versa. There's no pretense. Friends like this are hard to find nowadays.

But sometimes, friends still disappoint.

2009-12-31T15:36:00.003+08:00

2009 went and 2010 came without any disruption in my uneventful life right now.

Just came back from the countdown at Vivo with Yizhen and it was nothing special, probably because 2010 doesn't hold anything special for me and we couldn't even squeeze into the area. Yesterday's gathering with 07S63 was heartwarming, in the sense that many people still bothered to come even though our class wasn't that united. Skyped with Changling in London too (her room is so damn cool) and due to the surrounding din, we could hardly hear one another but you could literally feel the joy radiating off Changling's image. ((: Bernard drove all 13 of us around aimlessly and we unintentionally arrived at East Coast Park, our homeland. Basically loitered around and as the night drew in, Bernard graciously drove us all individually home. It's funny how I never noticed their chivalry before, and it really made me reminisce all those times in tutorials where someone would make some funny comment and had the whole class erupting in laughter. NS is subtlely making its mark on my dear former classmates. This reunion made me savour the importance of friendships as well as to truly appreciate the beauty of letting go of good times, embracing new ones but tucking in pocketfuls of memories to relieve once in a while.

2009 is the most eventful year of my 19 years of life so far. Everything proceeded at godly speed with the end of A levels, with me diving in headlong into the corporate world within a few weeks after examinations ended. I realised I had gone too obssessed with earning money/getting experience to beef up my resume that I had forgotten to properly enjoy the longest vacation I would ever have. My first official job at Aviva was not enriching enough, but it was the happiest period of this first half of the year. The colleagues were not demeaning, arrogant or snooty towards the temps but quite the opposite. I mean, where else do you get companies inviting temps to Christmas dinner, corporate dinner/lunch, giving temps Christmas presents, red packets and as many day leaves as we needed? Not to mention the elaborate farewell they gave us; Stacy got the best deal eh. My next office job was uhm, challenging. Way too challenging for a vacation job. Let's just say that it was a constant nightmare regurgitating worksheets, running all around Singapore, playing the middleman and talking back to the manager. Thinking back, I didn't know where I got the courage to talk back and even hung up the phone on her. Let's just say that I have matured from then. On top of these, there were still the tuitions, in which I realise that I could never become a teacher. I was going at 5 tuitions simultaneously on top of a full time job and well, the outcome is predictable. The greatest effect any tutee had on me would the Yuyang, this primary kid who lives opposite. I taught him for the longest period of time, meaning he gave me the most grief. I would never ever forget the time he hugged me after I punished him. Im not teaching him anymore, but I guess I will see him around the neighbourhood.

Interacting with society allowed me to learn so much, maybe not as much as temps are generally treated with leniency and more tolerance. I feel so much more independent being able to spend the money I earned for the first time ever. With so much forces working against me at certain points in time, I have learnt, that certain things are out of your control no matter how much you wish to steer your own path, that it sometimes takes more strength to accept things as they are with grace and not whine about it.

The second half of the year takes on a totally different turn. Camps were of such different frequencies from the corporte world that it took me quite a while to tune back. And with that, university was off to an exhilarating start. Dealing with friends who are older and wiser are not without no effects. Im proud to say that my emotions are better suppressed and an incident made me think more about what Im going to say before I say anything at all. It's also a humbling experience to finally be able to voice out my innermost thoughts and feelings, even if it's only to very close friends. And I learnt that with different groups of friends, I take on different roles. Sometimes Im the organiser, but I have since retired from that role. Sometimes Im the welfare officer, making birthday cards once a month and planning birthday surprises. Sometimes Im the backstage crew, doing the little things behind the scene while my friends tackle the limelight. Sometimes, I can just be Mieo.

And of course, I wouldn't have gotten through this year so smoothly without a handful of people, people who had helped me in extraordinary ways and hence hold a special place in my heart. I shan't show my appreciation to individuals because I would just keep ranting on and this post will never stop. As another year passes, Im grateful for the people around me who understand and can read me like an open book, who tolerate my pettiness at times and accept me for the whole package, imperfections and all - Yizhen, Kaili, Xinru. Nevertheless, there are the new friends I have made, from the Aviva saigang warriors who have proved themselves very good friends, Joyceline, my only companion during the dark Elite times, tutorial mates like Cherie, Terence and KahYee, Hall 10 people like Qiaohan, May, Jason and of course, CAC og Phyre and the FOC comm. (: Three cheers to friendship, the ship that will never sink.

May 2010 be nice to everyone. (: Happy New Year. Not to forget, Happy Birthday Mum.

2009-12-30T11:18:00.003+08:00

I sounded so angsty in the previous post. But I really needed to get it out, sorry if I offended anyone. But after ranting, I feel so much better and no longer pissed, so no worries.

It's not time for year end reflections yet; one more day left.

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ZZZ. I was satisfied with my results until I heard about others'. "Good results" in univeristy has a whole different meaning.

2009-12-28T23:50:00.002+08:00

"Everyone knows a friendship needs to be reciprocal but sometimes we just forget. We expect so much from our friends but are, more often than not, unwilling to sacrifice as much for them. We take them for granted, thinking that they'll always be around. Sure, friends accept one another for who they are but really, it's more than just that." Quotes Xinru. (Eh, proud not?)

I can't agree more. I think being my friend has certain disadvantages, with my constant need to raise funds/sell stuff that often makes friends obliged to help. Last time, I had to clear all my band concert tickets, and close friends like Yizhen and Kai are the only ones who bought each and every ticket, even the $25 esplanade one. In fact, I think I may have taken their generosity for granted and thus, I vowed to myself Im not going to ask them to go for Cliqueus. I thought I had escaped this kind of thing for good, until the committee came up with this scheme to sell bash tickets. I know friends can only help one another to a certain limit, and that I have to think of others' situation and not force them to buy whatever Im currently selling, and I have accepted that fully already. Im sorry if I appeared pissed today because you were making excuses not to go for the bash, but I wasn't pissed because you don't want to go really. It's the comments you made. Like have you ever considered why Im doing this? Im trying so hard because Im working for something I care about and want to contribute to the best of my ability. Im sorry if I appear to be making use of the friendships we have; I don't mean it. Just wished you had been more sensitive, be more supportive of the things I care about. If you want a refund, I won't take offense. Really.

2009-12-24T15:38:00.004+08:00

Played around with the smartly-invented software and toyed with possible design ideas. Merry Christmas! (:

2009-12-20T23:19:00.003+08:00

My cute little niece Jovin! ((:

This drumstick is MINE.

Give me the biscuit!

I love the magic babies create; all sensible adults go jelly at the sight of them and start cooing and uttering gibberish to make babies smile, and when they do smile, it's like an accomplishment comparable to achieving world peace. ((: It's been so long since I last played with a baby. It has been what? Almost 9 years when my twin cousins went from fun to nuisances. It's amazing how Jovin can affect my mood. ((: I went from angsty to all smiles in a matter of a few hours. A baby's innocence and wide-eyed wonder at every single thing in the world is so beautiful, touching in a sense as it provides you a temporary relief from the realistic and judgemental society. I think I can play with Jovin for days straight without getting tired of it, although it's another matter when she starts wailing. Gee, if only a baby doesn't have to grow up.

2009-12-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

It's an unorthodox happiness as I laze my holidays away at home repeating old drama serials (or rather, drama serial). The Prince Who Turned into a Frog brought back loads of memories and laughter even though the ending is known and internalised long ago. Am able to appreciate the humour under a different light and experience a greater sense of symphathy with the main characters that comes along with maturity. I suppose I am able to understand the elements of a relationship more than before, when everything was just sweet and romantic to me. Now, as I watched Tianyu and Shan Junhao compressing their feelings for each other, I can genuinely feel their bittersweet longing and the complexities of their relationship. Which reminded me of the lack of fairytales in reality and my very jaded perspective on life nowadays. Had a very philosophical sharing with buddy K yesterday about human interaction, or more specifically, relationships. Seems to be the hot topic eh. But not anything associated with romance sadly. Despite everything, I would say we are pretty satisfied with life right now, with the whole package of drama-mamas.

By the way, did I mention that I went mad at the Mango sale yesterday? ((: Retail therapy is blisssssssss.

2009-12-15T14:33:00.002+08:00

I wonder if there's any balance to being nice and showing loads of character. Being nice has its merits, being too nice makes you meek and easily manipulated. Being yourself is a comfort, being too yourself makes you seem a tad too self-centred at times. Of course, different situations call for different responses. And different receptions.

Had this vivid dream last night. One of those that sticks in my mind due to the glaring reflection of my insecurities. Of course, it has elements which don't make any sense but rhe whole gist of the dream is too, shuddering. I think I may have cried out or something, from the weird looks I received when I woke up this afternoon. But luckily, my family knows how to respect my space and need for privacy.

Sigh. The Internet is too boring. Shall find other means of entertainment.

2009-12-15T01:00:00.005+08:00

A nice gathering. Nice food, nice vodka, nice ambience. And to top it all, nice pictures! ((:

Courtesy of Yijie, the professional photographer.

It's like some old Victorian house!

Training for the future. ^^

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Flickers of emotion.

2009-12-10T00:57:00.000+08:00

Let me know if anyone's interested! ((:

2009-12-08T13:48:00.002+08:00

My body finally protested after so many sleepless nights. Horrible feeling to be alone in the house as the world goes spinning each time I opened my eyes, my hands and feet going numb as I struggled to breathe. Didn't help that everything I swallowed came back up and stank up the room. It's caused by imbalance, the doctor said. Don't know what he means by that but hope these giddy spells will go away soon! Sucks to see everything swaying in front of me, even by a little.

2009-12-06T20:21:00.002+08:00

Time for a change. (: Quite tired of looking at the same blogskin for what, 3 years? It seems to be a habit for me to change a look for my blog whenever I enter into a different stage of life; I don't seem to outgrow having a blog.

Freedom really leaves much more to be savoured, considering that this vacation is too short to do anything prodcutive except to grow fat. Alone time would suffice I suppose.

Standard Chartered Marathon was fun today. Although we were pretty much conked out after pouring water and getting zi high for one whole night and more without sleep. It was amazing watching all the Blacks (for lack of a better term) still going at such a fast pace at the 6km mark without so much as a stop to get a drink; they were just grabbing any cup as they passed, sloshing half the water inside and then pouring the rest of the water over their heads. I don't think I will ever get enough perseverance to finish a whole marathon, even with one whole street of supporters cheering on. That's a feat which I won't get to defeat.

Been doing a lot of reflections recently. I think the only obstacle now is my pride. I need time.

2009-12-02T23:59:00.002+08:00

Hell Semester 1 is over. Exams could have ended on a much better note but considering the amount of time I spent studying to the amount of time Im not, I should be satisfied enough. Whatever the results may turn out to be, I should learn to accept it. Life's too important for regrets.

2012 is a shuddering echo of the fear of the supposedly impending apocalypse. My heart was going at the speed comparable to a sky rocket throughout the entire 2 hours and 45 minutes, cried at the points when characters were left with the regrets to haunt them forever when they couldn't tell their loved ones their last words, being grossed out when the deaths become too grisly and horrified at the ugliness of human nature when survival becomes one for the fittest (or richest). I guess human beings have to be selfish to a certain extent for their own self interests, and there's the dilemma of conscience and the need to fight for oneself. Frankly, I don't know what I would do myself if I were in that situation. Wouldn't want to make that decision as well.

Don't have specific plans to spend my holidays yet but I guess activities will start rolling in soon. (:

2009-11-13T14:18:00.003+08:00

Remember the crappy assignment I handed up like aeons ago?

I got an A for it.

I do see some hint of NBS genes in me afterall.

Even though practically the rest of my class got an A-.

2009-11-10T21:33:00.004+08:00

The eye of the hurricane. Everything is so calm now, as though everyone is building up their strength before the panic attacks.

The oral assessment today was not supposed to turn out like this. I had so much confidence, practised so much. It didn't turn out the way I expected it to. I don't know why Im so disappointed with it, knowing that my presentation skills wasn't very good to begin with. But I guess I had that tiny amount of confidence at last, only to have it dashed, and stepped on by the tutor's harsh criticisms. I may appear all right, but Im feeling the hurt deep down inside. Maybe Im just not born to be a good presenter. Maybe no amount of work can make me become a good presenter. If only someone can recognise my efforts and see that Im really trying my best to brush up on my presentation skills.

Screw this.

2009-11-06T16:04:00.002+08:00

This story so accurately expressed what I have telling myself to do for a while. ((: Afterall, life will be meaningless if you do not have anyone to share your successes with.

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full..

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled..
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

2009-11-03T23:54:00.002+08:00

I see a tiny break amidst all the mugging and decided to let my hair down for the night after the failed attempt to listen to the electure. After being squeezed through a bottleneck, I feel so great to be free! Although this break is shortlived, Im glad I still get to take a breather! Biz plan down, mid term down. Ignores the quizzes, presentation, exam. Was having a very philosophical talk with Mun Yee, how we weighed every decision in life with too much pros and cons that we are no longer sure what our hearts really want, how we want to do a lot a lot of things, some of which are really unconventional, but we never get to do it coz things just get in the way, how our priorities change as we go along. And the nice chat with Jason too, catching up on the happenings so far. Im seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, when i will be free for about one month before semester starts again.

I shall ride on this momentum and mug hard!

2009-10-31T00:35:00.002+08:00

Boos to domineering and self righteous people.

Being angsty again.

Exam rush gets madder and crazier as you go up the ranks. Im still holding on to self control to not snap/get irritable like I usually get nearing exams.

Cling on.

Flash Mob at Raffles Place 23.10.09

2009-10-24T01:31:00.001+08:00

Why is CBD not so happening when I was working there like a mere few months ago?!

2009-10-16T18:35:00.002+08:00

Been having that feeling of late again. This sense of inferiority complex. Blending into the shadows.

Biz law assignment is down, after seeing all the group A NBS students losing sleep and weight trying to squeeze out 2000 words for something we don't even have any inkling of. In the end, it all boiled down to writing the assignment because we had to and not because we had any insightful opinions on the doctrine of consideration. Ive never handed up something so crappy that will be counted towards part of my score before. University really opens up a lot of new experiences. O.o

After labouring for the redundant Microsoft Access project and the wonderful biz law assignment, there's still the accounting project due next week and our final business plan report + presentation. All after one another. How wonderful. And this oral presentation next Tuesday that requires formal wear. Zzzz. Just when I thought I would be able to relax a bit this weekend.

Oh I just saw the email about giving away pre exam goodie bags. O.o IT'S EXAMS ALREADY?!

Oh Mieo you are so dead.

2009-10-02T18:01:00.003+08:00

Im feeling the effects of overspilled high from last night's chalet. It was the best one Ive ever been to so far, mainly because everybody was zi-highing and there is already a group of friends I could stick to. We didn't really mingle around, which was actually the objective of the overnight stay anyway. Im not really concerned about that because I had fun sticking to my clique and there would surely be plenty of other bonding sessions to come. ((: It's a miracle how all of us were hanging onto the last strains of our adrenaline to stay awake after the not very filling bbq and the energy expounded by the ceaseless laughter induced by our retarded comments and antics. The Heineken commercial was pointless but fun-inducing. The bedroom clubbing cum kbox session was ultimate fun, losing our balance as we bounced around on the beds and singing at the top of our lungs and distracting those poor souls having meeting in the bedroom next door. Charades were okay I guess, although everybody was just playing for the sake of playing. HTHT again, but it was going so slowly and uninterestingly that Lingyan, Stella and I excused ourselves halfway and went to doze off. Was woken by Alex's singing and we basically washed up, packed up and left. Wei Quan fetched 11 of us in his megacar to Bedok's Macs where we had a hearty breakfast before travelling back to reality - biz plan proposal in a disorientated and semi-conscious state.

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Projects is another point added to my list of "Why I Think I may have Chosen the Wrong Course". Especially when group members are ever so busy and don't have the heart and effort to put into completing the projects, me included. To add on, I think my writing skills are slipping bit by bit, diluted by the lack of opporunities for expression and critical thinking. And Im quite dissatisfied about that. Rahhh. Okay I have to go back to mugger world.

2009-09-27T12:28:00.003+08:00

Suddenly, Im overwhelmed by this inexplicable sense of nostalgia. I miss all my friends, Kilimanjaro, yizhen-xinru-weiying, Saigang warriors (although Ive just met 4/5 of them a few days ago), Phyrians, hallmates even. I admit I haven't been spending much time with all of them due to my ever busy schedule, which was sort of unintentional but intentional. I cant believe Im doing exactly what I told myself not to do. Two months of school and I have the reputation of being "the busy girl" already. Definitely not what I want. Damn. Im really craving for company now. But each time I happen to be free, other people have things on already. Im really having problems splitting my time among different groups of friends; everytime I get together with this group, our time together is so limited because I have to rush off to something else. I really don't like this but I can't see any way I can get out of this without appearing irresponsible. Uni, please be nice to me!

2009-09-25T00:10:00.002+08:00

Today is a real eventful day. And a damn rushed one too. Walked through the rain early in the morning for project discussion which didn't generate much conclusion :S, then was the awful presentation. Basically, it was obvious that we didn't rehearse enough and were unprepared for some of the questions. But oh well. I did the best I could. Considering that the tutorial was uhm, challenging. Then I was rushing from north spine to south spine to north spine for the surveys with a broken sole. After that was the happy part! Jiaying and Vanessa and Thing Thing came over to NTU and like always, we made a hell of a din in Canteen A celebrating Yijie's birthday. It was only then that I realised I missed those vacation days so much. Not necessarily the Aviva days but hanging out with this bunch of happy-go-lucky guys with no angels telling us to mug in our heads. It was so nice laughing loudly and unglamly without restrain. Although all of us have the tendency to become irresponsible when we get together, ponning meetings, skipping trainings, canceling tuition, missing dinner etc. The best thing is, I don't feel guilty unlike in other situations. Oh, and to conclude the night, I finally did a very mature thing. I withdrew from the IIC sub comm. It is a very big relief, saving the time and mental torture I experienced each time I have a meeting and I can't go but at the same time, I wished I didn't have to do this. But well, I hve enough on my plate.

2009-09-16T16:02:00.002+08:00

Just read this discussion about Ms Ris Low on Vanessa's blog and it seems a pity not to air my views so here goes.

I believe that this kind of situations will be occurring more in the future. Singapore’s emphasis on the Math and Sciences are largely at fault for the sub-standard of English here. However, the trend is evolving to focus more on communication (as evident from the many presentations that we have to do in school and the fact that primary schools are now adopting the speak-first-write-later strategy). In the past, more emphasis was on the Math and Sciences because Singapore was at the developing stage. We needed the mathematical and scientific knowledge for country building. Furthermore, our standards of Mathematics and Sciences have always been our source of pride, being ranked near the top in the various tests and surveys conducted among students from different countries. Presently, the English language has become a rather important asset, being a multi-racial society and the need to keep up with globalization. English has become THE language in business dealings and many other social aspects of our lives as the world progresses further. In addition, Singaporeans are becoming increasingly educated and effectively bilingual. Many of the younger generation are able to switch smoothly from Singlish to English when necessary. Perhaps this issue of Ms Ris Low serves as a major blow to us because of the indication that maybe the system of trying to shift the focus onto the languages may not be effective enough. It signals that much more needs to be done to equip more Singaporeans with the ability to speak proper English fluently so that Singapore will not be left behind in the economic rat race. One question remains: Is it too late to teach Singaporeans proper English?

Another glaring issue would be the use of Singlish. I don’t think it is fair to put all the blame on the use of Singlish. Criticisms have made SInglish the stumbling block in our quest to master perfect English, allowing condemnation of this unqiue language and the people who spoke it. But who are we to condemn Singlish when we used it so pervasively? Singlish forms the basis of our culture, our identity. It induces a sense of belonging and familiarity among Singaporeans that many, especially those abroad, find comforting. It makes our interactions seem more homely and casual. While the elite has adopted proper English as their way of communication, it is hard to ignore the fact that most Singaporeans are heartlanders. They are covered from head to toe in the Singapore brand that is genuine and close to heart. Taking the campaign by Phua Chu Kang a few years ago during the SARS epidemic. The message to practise good hygiene habits as a preventive measure against SARS, dotted with the habitual “la”, “lo” and “leh”s, was successful in reaching out to most Singaporeans, even the non-English educated. Even the government recognized that the use of Singlish is necessary to effectively and quickly carry this message across. Regretfully, Singlish is gradually losing its place in our homeland as more people disregard the use of Singlish. Even the latest Phua Chu Kang video on good MRT etiquette, possessed less of Singlish but more of the standard English. At what price will Singapore pay to retain its culture? Almost nothing. If this obsession that standard English is the only way to go is to go on, Singapore will eventually become a global island that is not home to anyone.

I believe that there are ways to promote the use of standard English without sacrificing Singlish. A global citizen will be nothing without roots. To be able to switch comfortably between English and Singlish as and when the situation requires should be the skill that Singaporeans that should possess.

Oooooh I love this critical thinking stuff. It's so much more interesting than my current course of study.

2009-09-16T11:47:00.002+08:00

One of those rare free moments when Im rotting in my room. Hmmm. Basically feeling quite messed up now due to my addiction to keep myself terribly busy. It's seriously a bad habit to want everything and have not enough self disciplined to sift out my wants and necessities properly. Now Im involved in too many things, much more than I would have like to that my academics can't not be affected. GPA 3.5. Will I even hit that? I don't think I will be able to manage as well as before already. Here, the events and activities are much more large-scaled and serious. There's no way I can focus on one without neglecting the others. Last night was not a peaceful night at all. Tossing around trying to figure out how to make things work best for everybody. And it all came to the conclusion that it was my problem in the first place for signing up for so many things. And if I were to commit, there will be sacrifices that Im rather unwilling to make. Which was a mistake I had already made.

On the brighter side, hthts were major chillers. Twice in a row in a night, really helps to put a lot of things in perspective. Hthts are definitely something I'd make time for no matter what. ((:

2009-09-08T00:28:00.006+08:00

My fortune cookie said, "Be more aggressive. Look for tattooed Virgos." O.o

Another one. "You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself." I like this so much better.

Another. "Your greatest fortune is the large number of friends you have." This is soo true, especially after residing in hall for slightly more than a month already. Surrounded by friends who constantly watch out for you and stay with you through the process of learning to be independent really helps.

Now that I have really settled into school, I find the work dreadful. There are some lessons where I totally don't understand a single thing. I was trying so hard just to catch the ball, forget about the class participation requirement. Im now completely relying on the recess week to save me. Even though like all holidays, holidays aren't really holidays.

Nevertheless, life has been fun. Summarising this whole week, Ive done my IT presentation (that is one major liability off my shoulder), met up to discuss next week's FM presentation, steamboat at hall 5 canteen with the FOC comm, YOG auditions with Michelle(in which they gave us this difficult rhythm to sing), participated in the Nike run with Cherie and Terence and took pictures with Rui'en (((: Im extremely proud of this fact, even though we totally abandoned mugging when we saw the event), had an AA101 quiz, hall dinners, hall election rally and voting, and I finally went out to Jurong Point again. Billy Bombers with Yizhen, Qiao Han, Jia Min and Kenneth almost burned a hole in my pocket, but chocolate fondue treated by Kenneth was delicious. ((: I think this week sort of set a template for the rest of my school life already, with certain variations.

Just to summarise what Ive learnt from school so far:
1. To be aware of my mannerisms at all times or I will just find unglam shots tagged on Facebook. This is especially important with William and his DSL camera around him 24/7.

2. Never print notes until right before the lesson because the professors like to amend their at the last minute.

3. Canteen 2 has the nicest food like seriously. They should just franchise their stalls throughout the whole campus.

4. Never leave my laundry out too long because it always has the tendency to rain each time I hang my wet clothes out to dry.

5. G is finally getting on everyone's nerves.

Okay this is just a rather mindless update. Maybe I will feel the urge to blog again when something major happens. ((:

RUI'EN!! Screams!

2009-08-27T23:09:00.004+08:00

Birthdays are just normal days, marked by the passing of yet another year. It's just like any other day, really, just that friends and family make you feel extra special, like a princess on this day. Much thanks to Xinru for coming down to Jurong Point especially, Yizhen and Weiying for the treat. (: And of course all those who wanted to celebrate this day with me but couldn't due to circumstances. It's still the thought that counts. (: And to those who forgot but still remembered in time, there's no need to feel bad. I can't remember many birthdays too. Have to rely on Facebook reminders all the time.

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Okay, this is after the CAC meeting cum birthday celebration and hall surprise (though it's not really a surprise but a pleasant gift), and crashing NUS with Yijie to visit Jiaying and Thing. XD It's like the first day in NTU all over, getting lost and all. The cake was very nice. Thanks Jiaying for rushing to CLementi to get the super duper delicious oreo cake. (: The laksa form Yong Tau Foo stall in The Deck is really savouring, brings back fond memories of the laksa in primary school! (: I will crash NUS again, but not in the near future definitely, to try the must-try Indonesian food at the Engineering canteen as recommended by Jiaying.

4 celebrations, 3 cakes, and more to come. This is a declaration of love: to all my friends who made my 19th birthday a very special one. <3

2009-08-22T21:25:00.002+08:00

It's scary how our learning curve is exponentially increasing. An academic syllables compact into half a year, new experiences almost everyday. I think Im almost breaking into hall life already, finding people to have meals with two to three times a day, bathing before it gets really dark (especially for this month!) This week has been exhilarating in a different sense, becoming a laptop guru is a matter of days as I try to decide which laptop is the most value for money, attempting to tighten my purse as I walked around the bazaar everyday (which totally failed), going for two interviews at once, salsa class etc.

Anyway, I realise I may have gotten quite negative in my previous post. I got totally inspired by Meiyi: The silver lining behind every cloud is up to you to define. Occasional visits to her blog are always so enriching and kind of makes me feel immature at times. It may be good sometimes to just come out of your shell and ask for help when you really need it, instead of always wondering if you are bringing inconvenience to other people. We live in a caring and loving society after all. (:

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I got to see my 4-day-old niece today! She's reaaaally tiny, even as I patted her arm, I didn't dare to use too much force; she's too breakable. Seeing newborns have this special effect on people, making us turn all cooey as we just stayed there and watch her sleep. XD

It feels good to be home. (:

2009-08-19T01:06:00.003+08:00

Waiting up for my phone to finish charging. Quite an excuse, but maybe I just want to pen down some thoughts that have been circling in my mind for quite long. What do I really want from university? More friends or just a close knit group I can rely on whether foe or fair? A fun-filled and enriching life or focus? Im investing so much in my university, financially as well as emotionally, it will be really stupid to neglect my studies. CCAs are the supposed stabiliser, keeping you sane amidst the very stressful academics. The only problem is, I want to join too many things. It will definitely beef up my resume, but is my resume my only concern? I want to form lasting friendships too. Close bonds. I was analysing why I don't feel attached to VJ emotionally, coz I didn't make as many close friends as I wanted to. Being in so many CCAs divide your time into very small portions, you end up making acquaintances instead of friends. And the constant rush for time, resulting in less time for socialisation, maybe that's why I can't talk crap while other people seem to be having ease with it. Ive come to accept that Im a reserved person, and that I take quite long to get comfortable with new friends. That's why Im choosing CAC people over hall people. Not that hall people are not nice, Im just more comfortable with CAC people coz I know them longer, better. Is it social suicide just because you keep abandoning this group of friends to join another? Is it wrong to stick to people you feel more comfortable with? Besides these, I feel that Im falling behind already, in terms of academic. This is so horrible, school has barely started! Nobody ever said this is going to be easy (although some cheaters did say JC's the toughest part), but while it is difficult, it sucks.

Meanwhile, I have very important decisions to make.

2009-08-14T19:29:00.002+08:00

So far one week of school has passed and Im back home again from hall. Life has been rather good to me I must say. Ive been dreading school coz as you know, NTU wasn't exactly my first choice if not for NBS and I was quite worried I would be turned off by the china-ness of the school. To my surprise and delight, the culture wasn't bad at all! The ratio of Chinese-speaking peers are more than what I was used to, but they are not all that different. The seniors are all ultra friendly and helpful, I can just knock on any of their doors asking for help even in the middle of the night (remembers the dead cockroach), the guys are all(okay, most) super gentlemen (making sure we reach halls/homes safely each night when we end activities too late), all in addition to the zi high culture. Pin Guan's concert was great, even though I didn't know this singer existed before last night. The enthusiasm was fueled by exhaustion after a whole day of getting lost in the huge campus (ironically) and seeing familiar faces and reminiscing our camp days. The start to university is good! (: I predict loads of intense competition ahead (its NBS afterall)and plenty of stressful moments but at least I know I will be able to rely on the people around me to get me through.

Hmmmm, Im still enjoying myself tagging scandalous photos on Facebook even though I really need to read up on Accounting I and Business Law.

2009-08-12T22:16:00.003+08:00

Second day of my new phase of life. Basically today was a pretty slack day as there were no lessons! For me anyway. Pretty much slept the whole morning away as I recovered from the hall bash at Zouk yesterday. Somehow clubbing has lost its excitement, maybe Im just not the type to party all night. Even though Im free from lessons today, it's still a blur of events, starting with a visit to Sharon's hall (and appreciating my hall more after seeing the dreary state of her hall), then this NBS talk which was sleep inducing, and WSC fair where I signed myself up for like 4 clubs, then was dinner and welcome tea session with Phyre loves! You can't believe the relief I felt when I realised Im not the only one who was horribly late for lectures and seminars because I got lost and feeling the sense of loss when you're totally alone for some of the lessons. Im so glad I went for CACFOC, at least I already a group of friends to stick to when the going gets tough. CAC tea session was great! Seeing Wanting again kept me smiling until now, and super enthu Phyrians signed up for loads of events (like me). I think Im digging myself a hole so deep that I will have loads of trouble climbing out of when the workload comes pouring in. :S Dinner-cum-supper afterwards was enjoyable too. And Weiliang was so nice to drive us back to our halls! It's all about networking man, befriending people with cars so that they can drive you around. (((: I think this post is rather rubbishy, I must be bored out of my mind.

2009-08-08T01:25:00.005+08:00

The moment I go online after about one week of hall camp, there are 108 notifications from Facebook and dozens of new contacts from msn waiting for me. The wonders of camp and technology. These past few weeks have been a blur of new people and names, Cephoria, Hall 10, tutorial mates. I just have to walk around school and eh, there is a familiar face and I have to scratch my head to remember if I actually know that person's name.

Anyway, Hall 10 camp was uhhh, could be better? But I reckon it's more about bonding than anything else coz these will be the people I will have to rely on for everything from school work to grocery shopping for a few months at least. The games are different but similar in a way, y'know? I think my body is tuned to fall asleep whenever we get on the bus or train, I felt so bad for dozing out on Liyao everytime, making him feel so sian sitting beside me. I just wasn't strong enough the fight the drowsy effects of the medicine I guess. I shall just elaborate on my favourite part of this camp - SP. ((: No romance, but it was fun coz I was lucky enough to get a good-natured and sporting gentleman. The blindfold part was short but it was enough for him to find me already, all thanks to my persistent coughing. The zoo was the highlight of the camp! We hd to tour the zoo wth our sp and complete tasks, and a very scrumptious dinner at Ah Meng Restaurant. A few performances here and there and we learnt salsa. A different style for me this time. XD Hmm shan't elaborate much since the pictures on Facebook speak of everything already.

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Moving into hall tomorrow already, with school starting the next day. Im...not ready. At first it all seemed a bit exciting, hanging out with a crazy bunch of people 24/7, certainly makes school life very interesting. I guess this will be the first time I have to learn to stand on my own feet, although that's not the part Im worried about. With all the consecutive camps and then moving into hall so soon after barely coming back, I feel that I haven't been spending enough time with my family. And my good friends. It doesn't help that uni life is so confusing, with all the printing of notes with Studentlink and the add/drop scheme and the choosing of electives. And Ive come to realise that I pretty much suck at making conversations. I can't seem to forge bonds as easily as all the others coz I can't really crap. And then you automatically feel left behind when the rest went on with their conversation and you don't know what to say or what they are saying. It's true how people will always rather hang out with the 'fun' people, and all the boring people get left behind. I kinda expect hall life to be wild (there's already a hall bash at Zouk on the first day of school) and Im quite sure I will be able to balance work and play, after the hell load of stuff I went through in VJ, but I don't want to come across as anti-social if I stick to my priorities. Gosh, I wish all my best friends are with me.

2009-08-01T12:49:00.001+08:00

CACFOC! (((: Thanks to Phyre the best OG, they made all the activities ten times as much fun. The camp was really well organised. ((:Im still rather amused that we got the Best Overall OG award. XD

The first day was quite boring. It was just a RPG game in NTU for the whole day, the ice wasn't really broken and the enthusiasm in us wasn't very much rekindled yet. We just ran around the school half-heartedly trying to complete the quests. So, imagine our surprise when we actually finished first place. I guess we did hyped ourselves up nearing the end of the race all thanks to Yongsiang with all his amusing cheers and antics. Oh, we went to this chalet in Bukit Batok for the night. It was fun sucking up to the programmers so that they can give us more cards eh. I lost count of the number of mei nvs and shuai ges already. XD I think we established a reputation for being the most kiasu group then. Our whole group reached the chalet first and we ran to bath. XD In the end, we were already sitting in our allocated room smelling nice and all when the other groups just arrived. And efficient Phyre managed to finish our flag in 20 minutes. It wasn't exactly the best but it's nice enough eh.

Second day started off with a mass dance. It was so much easier than VJ's. Then it was the Amazing Race through Bukit Batok, Botanical Garden, King Albert Park, Orchard and a food trail from Clarke Quay to Jurong East. We sort of walked leisurely throughout. XD We went to the place where they filmed The Eight Immortals (the cliff place)and I was like, oh, this is in Singapore, and someone gave me a -.-''' face. And we got really high at some point, asking all the how-many-meh-mehs-jumped-over-the-wall kind of questions and smirking at those who couldn't get the answers. Eventually, we couldn't bother to actually rush through the race and we just stuck our butts in one of the hawker centres assigned for the food trail and got high by singing random songs. We were so engrossed with all the riddles that we didn't notice where Wanting was bringing us. We just alighted somewhere and followed her. I was sooooooooooo shocked when I saw the road sign indicating that we were heading to the Chinese Cemetry okay! I was like OMG where are we going and stopped right there on the path. I was the first in line and the only one who actually realised what was going on. Wanting went like, oh we are walking in to another bus stop. I just stood there and went huh, inside got bus stop meh?? She had to drag me along to continue on the path. I was a bundle of nerves when we finally reached the cemetry. Jiayi commented that it was a good thing we didn't eat dinner or we will just puke. We got paired up, boy and girl, and sat at the entrance waiting to be scared to death. Jianxun, Aloysius and Victoria tried to distract me and it worked until it was our group's turn to go. It was so damn scary okay! There were no lights inside, and we had to pass through all the programmers stationed at every junction to complete tasks so that we won't lose our way. I was clenching Jianxun's hand so tightly, it was embarrassing. I didn't realise I was squeezing his hand until he wanted to change hands coz my palm was so sweaty. At the first station, the programmer made me open this wooden box and dig up the clue. It was warm when I stuck my finger in. Then the programmer shone the flashlight into the box and I saw mealworms crawling around inside. I almost screamed. Almost. I just stared at the box for quite long and the programmer went, "Hurry! Dig!" in that eerie voice. I panicked and just yanked up the paper beneath everything. Luckily, Jianxun saw the clue peeking out and rescued me. There were stations along the way asking us to find the baby's arms, legs, head, burn joss paper. They asked the girl to do almost everything can. There was another station where there are 3 ghosts, and the first girl had long straight hair hanging in front of her face. She just walked towards me, handed me a wooden comb and said, "Comb my hair." I don't know why I wasn't freaked out by that, I just spun her around and combed her hair. I think in my haste, I accidentally pulled too hard and she flinched. I was so worried that she will do something scary! But she just said thanks. As we were leaving the station, the third ghost followed me. I could feel his cape fluttering at my legs, the warnings are all running around in my head, telling us not to talk loudly, not to scream, not to turn back no matter what. I just tried to ignore the ghost behind me and kept walking. There was another station where the programmers separated us. They made me find the baby's leg and hand it to the "woman" sitting in front of a fake tombstone. The "woman" doesn't even look like someone okay. It was just this white cloth draped over a person; on first impression I thought it just a chair or something. So I picked up the leg and put it in front of the girl. She just pushed one umbrella at me. It was so sudden, I fell back and my pulse went thumping damn fast. I think I looked like Im about to cry or something, the programmers were like oh no, are you okay, nvm, move on move on. At the last station, there was a fake corpse covered on a gurney. The programmer wanted us to move damn close to the corpse, I just squat there, rooted to the spot and keep shaking my head. Now that I think back, I guess Im a scaredy cat but at that time, I was still trying to recover from the find-the-baby's-leg station. In the end, the programmer decided not to push it and let us go. I spotted our OG mates waiting at the bus stop and it was as if dawn had broken. I was so relieved fright night was over. To describe it, I guess fright night was already quite mild compared to what I heard from the other camps, there are a lot of restictions on cemetry grounds. We went to a camp site in Changi for that night. Everybody slept fitfully, coz there were so many aeroplanes flying around, the engine sounds were like cannons blasting.

Third day was beach games at Sentosa. By this time we are all already super hyper and enthusiastic even though we were so damn tired. Lingyan's group Reia made us do muachee, in English meaning to dunk ourselves in the sea and rolled around in the sand. Our whole group happily did it. Ive never seen a whole bunch of people as sporting as this, though I think Yaoyong's cheer offended the other groups. The games were tiring but fun! We didn't get to do the last station coz it was high tide already. We had lunch and it was telematch. This race beat all the rest in terms of level of fatigue. It was basically a relay race, starting off with a wheelbarrow race with the girls holding onto the guys' legs (which were damn heavy) through the hot sand, followed by the caterpillar, where every OG form a line with girl guy alternating with interlocked legs and moving with only our hands. The caterpillar race was so exasperating, the people behind us keep breaking off and the coordination was so bad and our muscles were straining with everybody's body weight. Next was the conveyor belt race, in which we lie on the sand with our OGL lying on our backs. We were supposed to transport her by rolling on the sand in sync with the group. It was dizzying, and it doesn't help that the group in front of us keeps kicking sand into our faces. We then went on to NSRCC, this super nice resort chalet that looks like a high class hotel to deposit our bags. And then, SP night. We were blindfolded and brought to somewhere with a lot of grass. My secret name was Victoria Spice, and our group's girls just sat on the grass for I think hours?, waiting for our Beckhams. We entertained ourselves with cheng yu jie long, hand games in darkness. And then one by one the girls left, Xiao Long Nv went to meet Yang Guo, Luna Bunny went to meet Bugs Bunny, Louis Lane to meet Superman, Princess Fiona to meet Shrek, Barbie to meet Ken, Wilma to meet Fred. I was one of the last few to go. I was led around to meet Beckham and were made to hold hands throughout the whole event. We sat on some concrete floor, talking for aeons before they led us to the stations. We were like trying to give each other clues about ourselves without revealing too much. Blinded by the blidfold and talking to some mystery guy seems romantic, he sounded nice, really worried when my legs went numb from sitting too long. The first station we went to involved sharing a bread with our mouths after dipping it in love potion. XD The bread was big and my SP had to eat the whole bread. Somewhere along those stations, there were programmers asking the guy to sing love songs, for us to dance, while blindfolded. There was this one where we had to feel some random objects and guess them. Luckily I didn't get the one with the live frog! And there was this confidence fall thing where we were made to fall back from on top of the desk - blindfolded. Basically, we had to do everything like a couple, close contact and all. It wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be coz at the very least, my SP respects girls. He kept apologising. When we finished everything, we were made to sit next to each other and talk - again. My SP got loads of flour, soy sauce and everything else on him as he couldn't answer the questions about me. XD By the time we could take off our blindfolds after getting back to our OG, it was hours later and all of us couldn't walk straight. It was already 6 am in the morning and we all just conked out until around 11 in the morning.

The next day was nothing much. The guys are supposed to go to the different OG rooms to find their SP. The girls well, we just dressed up and sat there waiting. After this day I think Im lucky Im a girl. XD The guys were made to do so many embarrassing things, undressing, running around shouting "Im going to save the world", pushups with guys sitting on top of them, sent on wild goose chases. Our OGLs commented that they seemed like parents sending off their daughters for marriage. XD I was the last to be married off, coz we SP was sent on wild goose chases. It's a wonder why things appear so different when Im not blindfolded. Gone were the mystery and intrigue. It was a disappointment in short, not in the looks department coz I don't really care about that, but more of his behaviour and insincerity. At least he was nice enough at the dinner, helping me get drinks and food and stuff. Next was clubbing at Zouk! Our group got really high and we hogged the dance floor for almost two hours. This clubbing experience is so much better than my previous one, probably coz there were more guys this time round. And they really took their mission to protect the girls seriously. XD But the time 1 am rolled around, we could sleep while standing already. COT(circle of trust) was surprising too. We had htht (heart to heart talk) in our chalet. It was nice, even though many of us were struggling to keep our eyes open. When 6 am rolled around, we all went to bed to catch about 2 hours of sleep.

The last day was water games at NTU. It was okay, might be better if it wasn't so competitive. CAC also prepared some performances for us showcasing some of the member clubs. THe guys are all drooling at the scantily clad cha cha dancer. XD The dancers are so pro, maybe I shouldn't try dance at all. It was basically zoning around when the committee prepared for the campfire. Im glad the committee decided to put me in Phyre, the best OG group ever. It was heartwarming to see Phyre and our sister group Ceyron cheering our hearts out for the cheer war, screaming with all our might when most of us are already having sore throats. The seniors actually complied a slide show of all the pictures they took during the camp (no unglam shots thankfully), showed us the video they made for the camp, and of course, loads of piture taking. We all bade our farewells quite hastily as everybody was rushing to catch the last train home. But there will definitely be OG outings to come. (((:

Cephoria 09 has ended, I have made some friends and established bonds. I don't know if these ties will last, but Im glad that I went. Im grateful for Mummy Wanting, for being so giving and caring, feeding us pi pa gao everyday, refilling our bottles every single time. And there's Xianhui, the fake freshie, who made things seem so happy-go-lucky. And of course Weiliang, Chee Wee, the other GLs, SA Jac and Ziyang, who helped us keep our valuables like nannies whereever we went. And there are friends I have stuck to these 5 days, Sharon, Jiayi, Victoria, Adeline. I can't wait to see the pictures!

2009-07-23T01:08:00.003+08:00

Cycling with Lima! Sun burnt but well, there was no other choice as it was all so last minute decided and there was no other time left. (For me.) Lima never fails to crack me up with her comments. XD

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Before any major leap in life, there will always be this anxiety about change; that I will not be able to adapt as fast as my friends and get left behind, that I cannot cope with impending heavier workload, losing touch with friends that I really treasure. After so many transitions, this anxiety doesn't seem to get any better. I was hoping it was only due to the dread of studying after 8 months of holidays and well, the real reason still remains to be seen. Ive always been one to cling on to ties very tightly, maybe that's why I take longer than average to adapt, being affected rather easily when my friends move on before me. University has additional reasons for me to worry about, financial aspects, aesthetic aspects and social aspects. Some people will probably think, Im in Singapore, what is there to be fearful of? True, people going overseas to study may have to overcome even more social and cultural obstacles. That's why I think Im just destined to stay in Singapore and fret over school starting. If I were to go overseas, I will probably have insomnia one month before I fly off or something. Two camps coming up. Somehow I can't seem to make myself look forward to it.

2009-07-19T23:44:00.001+08:00

Sleepover! Just one word to desrcibe - FUN! (((:

2009-07-15T00:25:00.002+08:00

I have realised that, sometimes, when you put in your best effort to accomplish something or go out of your way to help people, you are not necessarily appreciated. One very glaring scenario would be my temp job. I received another message today asking me if I were available to help out tomorrow. I was, but I see no point in helping. So I made a request that I know the company would definitely not agree to. And it worked. I also discovered that many of my friends are facing the same thing, employers asking them to spare a day or two to go back and help when they have nothing to do with the company anymore, some even offering them incentives and attractive packages. I don't know how I feel about that. To glorify it would be to think that they actually can't manage without us, the temps even though we caused quite an amount of inconvenience with our naivety and mistakes. To condemn it would be to think that they are making use of cheap labour to milk all the profits they could. My mum was telling me about my aunt who skipped lunch to complete her responsibilities, claiming that it is a foolish thing to do as the employer won't even show any appreciation and you end up having gastric problems etc. In the past I would have think of this comment as selfish, but now I would think that it is rather practical. From the business point of view, obviously the employer will want his employees to work hard and commit to their responsibilities. But in striving for greater profits, it is hard to keep humanity and compassion in check. And I don't like the fact that some employers think that they are doing you a favour by asking you to help, as you gain income, when they requested for our help at the last minute and sent us pushing away our plans. July/August must be the months employers dislike the most as there would be a massive exodus of all the cheap and 'brainy' labour, breaking their work flow and having to teach the new staff skills all over again. That's just too bad.

2009-07-07T23:16:00.003+08:00

My Facebook analysis says that my 5 closest friends on Facebook are Kaili, Li Hwa, Janine, Yi Zhen and Jiaying. I don't know how Facebook analyses it, by the number of pictures I have with that person? Or the people who commented most on my activities. XD Kaili and Yi Zhen - expected. Li Hwa and Janine eh, not so? Jiaying is haha, probably the one I share the most photos with out of the 5 since we always happen to sit next to each other when we meet up. Interesting.

Oh, I have resolved to stop shopping online and for unneccessary stuff. XD Im just keeping a lookout for a school backpack, sneakers, a wallet and a pencil case. It's scary how addictive online shopping can be! Cheryl is a fine example. (: And Ive broken my record shopping this GSS, with at least 10 tops and dresses, a full bag of accessories, 3 bags. Feeling pretty accomplished, just hope this satisfaction will last.

Now my days are basically filled with sloth; waking up at noon, plugging myself in front of my laptop and surf the day away, occasionally going for jogs in the evening, tuition on some nights. At least these past few days were spent productively, on top of getting a certificate that may expand my job choice in the future. And I can proudly say that Ive managed to cross out some agendas on my to-do list. Hmmmm, perhaps I should get my lazy bum out of the house soon to collect my A level cert which is long overdue. And visit St Nicks one last time before they really move away.

2009-06-28T00:21:00.003+08:00

Was reading through my archives from 2006 on and a lot of memories came back to me. Sorrowful ones like my grandpa's death and memorable ones like my New York trip with VJCSB. I feel sort of weird discovering that my life now is so different from merely 7 months ago, when my life was just school, ccas and school. And the fact that my use of language hasn't really changed. That's entirely different for my outlook on life right now. Joining the workforce these past few months have really shifted my mindset about a lot things and clouded my view on the previously perceived utopian Singapore. Or just society for that matter. Quite a number of my previous entries surround stress and unhappiness but I actually sounded quite cheerful and optimistic despite the very depressing content. Reading my posts now, I realise that Im inclining more to the glass-is-half-empty view on life. It really sucks how just a few months of work can totally change your prespective on adult life.

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Days have passed and Im blogging after my last day of work (the real one). I think I can never get used to the feeling at farewells, no matter how eager I am to leave. I went to work quite light-hearted today, thinking about the upcoming month when I would get to laze around amidst all the outings and sleepovers, and quite relieved that I don't have to suffer all the stress of meeting tight deadlines anymore. I was still rather cheerful when I went for lunch, knowing that it will be my last lunch with Joyceline for a long long time to come. It was only when I went back after lunch and this trainer called the office that I felt a bit sad. This trainer has been particularly nice to me, so motherly and caring and all, and she sounds really glad to hear from me everytime I call her (not like some uhmm,-). She wished me good luck with university, my future career, getting a phd and all. It was normal, hearing it so many times already each time I graduate and I didn't feel anything until she said, "I hope you will remember me always." I choked and almost teared on the spot. It was so unexpected, after being treated like no one important, of a lowly temp status, that someone actually appreciates your help. The people in my office (aka my colleagues)just treated today as any other normal day, except maybe a little sadness on Carina's part. And the office was quieter today, or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. I was allowing myself a tiny glint of hope that there would be a proper goodbye said from all 3 of them, maybe some pictures and I would whip out the cards I have written for them out of politeness - there, happy ending. But that tiny flicker of hope died when Jameela just walked out of the door with a nonchalant "bye", without even turning her face to look at me. My impression of her wasn't that good from the start, and it never changed up to my last day. And then it was left with Carina, Lia and I in the office. I was trying to summon up my courage to hand them my cards when Lia spoilt the mood by asking me to find proper envelopes for the cds. In the end, Carina left while I was searching frantically for the envelopes, with an expressionless but a sincere goodbye. I just left the envelopes on their desks and was thinking that I would at least get to hand Lia her card personally when I found her talking on the phone and treating everybody else (aka me) as invisible as usual. I just placed the card on her tray and left. She called just as I was about to cross the road, asking me why I didn't say goodbye properly to her. Her farewell speech over the phone, as short as it was, actually made me cry. Luckily nobody noticed me. XD Or pretended not to notice. In any case, it was a mixture of sadness and joy that Ive finally left, after so many bogus last days. Happy because I don't have to get scolded by b***hy trainers anymore, and for no reason either, don't have to rush courseware materials constantly and making me panic. Sad because I have already gotten used to everything, both the good and the bad. I guess working in both big and small companies gave me a very comprehensive experience of the corporate world. In big companies, there was no motivation, the workload was very little, office politics overwhelmed the place. In small companies, there is almost no office politics. You learn to tune to the habits of every colleague around you and rely on them to get through crisis. You also get to experience every single thing firsthand, unlike in big companies where you specialise in this thing and only this thing. I really really gained a lot from this job, both tangibly and intangibly, even though it was downright unpleasant at times. Someone said I was calmer! XD

Okay, I shall let go but remember the past and embrace the future. University here I come!

2009-06-27T21:29:00.004+08:00

Y'know, I wonder why there are such snobs in Singapore.

"Clearly, the upside of being poorly educated and studying in grotty compounds here, is that you get your tertiary education overwhelmingly paid for by the government, no matter how stupid you are. Simply by virtue of your citizenship and willingness to endure an inferior academic experience. The MOE gives out 'tuition grant' to any moron willing to make the sacrifice, or more accurately for the majority of them, people who can't make it to first rate or top universities and have no choice but to end up there. Also, they don't have the brains to get a top scholarship. And no money to go away.

The amount of the tuition grant is even greater than the amount you pay. For example, to immerse yourself in say faculty of law, or the academic travesty of its engineering programme, wiry hair growing on the pimply arse of humanities' fungus, arts and social science in NUS, you only needed to pay $6,110 in the year of 2007. Of course, she graduated way before that, which means her course was probably cheaper. Yet, the grant amount is $13,700. Yes, this is such a basement bargain, apt indeed for the basement bargain bin of intellectual life !! The grant amount is larger than the amount you are left to pay."

Go on, go to theintellectualsnob.blogspot.com to curse the writer. She don't even know all the facts and with that few paragraphs, just insulted the government, the education board and all the local students. No wonder the older generation shake their heads at the younger ones.

2009-06-25T00:51:00.004+08:00

It was a moment of sentimentality that I decided to create this. (: But it's time well used. In about one month's time (or even lesser for some of us), we will be going separate ways. Different countries, different schools. At least we have had some good memories to reminisce a few years down the road. ((:

2009-06-19T23:44:00.002+08:00

My primary 1 tutee totally surprised me today. He was being less cooperative than usual, which was already quite bad to say the least. I was quite frazzled after work already due to this assignment that I almost couldn't finish in time. So, I got quite pissed and made him do his work without his chair. As expected, he refused to get off his chair. And I actually dragged him off his chair and kicked the chair away. Sounds so aggressive. But it didn't cause too much violence and commotion I hope, because I was so much stronger than him. And the chair merely slid away without so much as a sound. He seemed unharmed, only abashed. Okay, now thinking about it, it was probably the wrong way to teach a child coz it will just breed violence but what's done cannot be undone. At least that was effective and he picked up his pencil to continue his assessment book again. After that, he actually offered me a chewing gum and gave me a hug from behind all of a sudden. O.o I was totally stunned. And he looked really happy when I showed him the two assessment books I bought for him. XD Im really bewildered okay. He's actually happy that he has to do more work. Anyway, today's incident is definitely the first and the last for me. I don't know why I came that close to violence today and luckily, his parents don't seem to mind that there's someone else taking their child in hand. It just brings me back to the point that children are so much easier to handle than adults. They are so much more forgiving and humble in that sense. So much more big-hearted as well. A pity university's going to start soon.

2009-06-16T11:23:00.010+08:00

I had this sudden revelation, why dogs look more adorable than other animals. It's the way they hang their tongues out, their mouth spread across their faces that make them look as if they are grinning. XD And how some soft toys are cuter, because the cuter characters are always grinning.

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Made an impulse buy. Now I realise I don't actually have any use for them coz the colour is all wrong for me. Anybody interested to buy them from me please sms! Or you can always leave a message on the tagboard. XD $18 each. No profits. XD

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"Hi successful applicants to NUS,

We noticed that you had chosen to go elsewhere. :( We shall miss you at NUS (although we had far exceeded our target this year). But we are very keen to learn, so we hope you will nonetheless help us by answering a 2-question survey: http://surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=LhACeul7KcRwCj2ePD7dPw_3d_3d.

Thank you very much, and all the best as you prepare for an exciting phase of your life. Cheers, :) aik

PS If per chance I was wrongly informed of your admission status, please quickly let us know. Thanks."

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2009-06-07T20:04:00.004+08:00

Seems like an obligation to make my blog posts brighter. Hmmm. I went on a book spree and bought 2 books on impulse. I should feel the pinch coz they are not cheap at all but Im feeling quite satisfied. Maybe Im finally finding something to keep me occupied during those aimless moments. Im feeling the rush, the approaching end to the longest holiday Ive ever had yet, that I must strive to accomplish as much as I can within these last 2 months, amidst the camps that Ive yet to sign up for, shopping for back-to-school stuff, maybe getting the mental preparation before a new journey begins. Ive been plunging headlong into school without proper rest after each holiday. It's time for a change. Trying to summon up the last burst of motivation to at least complete more things on my list.

To-dos:
1. Learn cooking!!!
2. Learn to make almond jelly, guo dong, cheesecake, milkshake!
3. Learn at least one swim style!
4. Sleepovers! with Kilimanjaro, sec 4 clique, aviva saigang warriors.
Saving money concurrently as well! I should stop pampering myself and treating myself to all the expensive food and retail therapy.

GO MIEO. (:

2009-06-05T23:40:00.002+08:00

History repeats itself.

Im so sick of people letting me down. Or that I just have too high expectations in the first place.

2009-05-31T23:51:00.005+08:00

It's one of those gatherings that I won't choose to go but went for the sake of the host. I don't have fond memories of my secondary 4 class because it was too cliquey and all. And the fact that some prejudices were never eliminated doesn't make things better. But I suppose other than those people whom I never really talked to, I had quite a good time. Within my clique and with Grace. ((: Anyway, I felt totally inadequate and overshadowed when we updated one another on our classmates' lives. Lynn got into Cambridge medicine, Shinq got the CAAS overseas scholarship, Carolyn and Jasmine got double degree, Qiubx got into NUS and SMU law, Michelle got into medicine, Lynn, Amanda, Shumin got scholarships etc. And I am only going to be mainstreamed into the course that everybody else is taking. Gosh, why do the people around me have to be such high achievers?! That's why we're called 4 Charity, Jasmine said. I guess that's true. Hmmm I think I should be contented that I am offered places in local univerisities, which is far better than a lot of people already. Happy ordinary student. ((:

2009-05-30T21:07:00.002+08:00

Temps love! ((:

My first ballet performance!
Anna Karenina is great!The Finnish dancers are sooooooooooo graceful and soft and bendy. They look like dolls from my seat. The orchestra was good too, although the violins are too screechy for my liking. It will be much better if the ending wasn't so tragic. Like who makes the lead commit suicide at the end of the story?

Great, all my inspiration to blog just got sapped out.

The Anthem
We need to grow up, we're immature,
that's what everybody tells us, but I'm not so sure.
Conditions in this world today, teenagers are a minority.
You say that we're young and useless.
How can i prove that we're not?

2009-05-26T18:23:00.004+08:00

Gosh today was such a bad day. The programme at Bedok Green Secondary was horrendous; now Ive truly experienced the job of being a teacher, dealing with extreme bands of students. To think I was so motivated and enthusiastic yesterday bacause I thought I could make a difference and actually impart useful skills to the normal stream students. How naive I am. I think Ive never met anyone in my social circle with an attitude that stinks to sky high. I have now decided that primary school children are much easier to handle, but I lament the fact that being under Singapore's education system is probably the reason these attitude children are churned out. I look at the adorable children in Changkat Primary and wondered how they will turn out in the years to come? Will they become capable people doggedly going after their ambitions or be so resigned that they become like the delinquents in Bedok Green? Sigh. As if that wasn't enough, the trainers are all giving me all sorts of problems. I mean, I do understand where they are coming from, these assignments being their ricebowls and all, but I also understand the company's stand. Being the middleman seriously sucks. Don't kill the messenger please. As if the day could not go any worse, I realised I forgot to bring my wallet when I was exploring the new extension at Tampines in between schools. Which is damn inconvenient. No identification card to sign in at the general office and no keys to get into my house. I felt utterly pathetic sitting outside my own door okay. And the blisters on my soles are forming again due to a temporary forgetfulness.

Despite all these, Im still glad for the few bright spots in my life - this thing called friends. Im touched when so many wanted to help me out in my late night crisis on Sunday. Especially KITTY!! (((: What a huge favour, turning up at Bedok at 7 in the morning when I only called you at 11 plus the night before. The best thing is, you did it as a favour, not for the money! But the pay is a well-deserved reward eh. (((: Im still grateful for all those who wanted to help but couldn't, like Kai, Janine, Rachel, Stacy, Jiaying etc. THANK YOU PEOPLE. (((: And Yizhen for your lunch treat today. (((:

2009-05-15T11:10:00.004+08:00

The world works in reverse. That, or it exhibits rebellious tendencies. I realise that the more you want something, the more you won't get it. Even if you get it, you will realise that you don't want it as much as you thought you wanted. Take the recent spate of events for instance, the more I think I should save, the more I spend. The more I know I should speed up and get my work done in time, the more I procrastinate. Funny, I thought I was long past the rebellious age. The fighting spirit has gone out of me. That is scary. Especially when the road ahead is still so long and uncertain.

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Been sinking into moments of antisocial-ism. All of a sudden, solitude seems like a wonderful thing. No need to put on a facade and pretend to be happy when you seriously don't have the energy to. No need to keep the conversation going when all you want to do is just stare into space and think about how life sucks. No need to control your emotions when all you feel like doing is to scream and rant. And the worst thing is, I don't see the need to snap out of this antisocial-ism. Been feeling so jaded. About my innate responsibilities and obligations as the older child in the family. About maintaining my discipline. About being the source of inspiration. About being relied on. About everything.

Basically, life is just like a vacuum cleaner; it sucks.

2009-05-14T22:46:00.004+08:00

Life sucks right now because:

1. My respiratory passage is all clogged up and I can't stop sniffing/coughing/clearing my throat.

2. My sight is all blurred because my eyes keep tearing.

3. Work is too hectic today, made me all worn out and pissed.

4. I still haven't settle my financial loan applications/guarantor etc.

5. My head hurts.

6. I feel sad just reading PS. I love you.

7. My financial resources are tightly stretched.

8. I feel like a whiny, childish loser.

2009-05-13T23:18:00.001+08:00

Anna Karenina anyone? It's a ballet by the way. Tell me if you are interested! I really really really wanna go! XD

2009-05-10T21:25:00.002+08:00

My future is sealed with that one click of the mouse. For the next 8 years or so. I don't know how I feel about that, don't want to know what to feel about that. At least I contributed by freeing up a space for those people still waiting for their acceptance letters? Gosh that sounds egoistic. XD I feeling so lackadasical(?), so unmotivated these days. I don't do my best in the things I do, get restless with everything I try to do. Life is seriously meaningless now. :S Hopefully I can find my purpose back again when universty starts in oh, August.

2009-05-07T23:46:00.005+08:00

Gold. But with pride and honour nobody can ever take away. (: SYF is only a step along the way to gauge your progress and set a benchmark with the rest of the schools in Singapore, I suppose there's no reason to get too upset with not meeting expectations/goals? Juniors chose a really abstract and difficult piece and they performed it really really well! Avant garde. XD It really matters more that they put in their best. Really, the band's standard is the best in that session! Maybe we just didn't have what the judges want, the criteria for gold with honours has changed, but it's good enough to give your best performance. That's the mark of a performer. (: Mr Tan emphasized that enough.

Just a few quotes to share:

VJC
i like their starting note,
can feel that it was all blend in.
articulation was superb and crystal clear with entries. also with a very big band size
however they were able to execute clarity too which is quite hard because of the band size
however, personally i guess although impressionist piece showcases their techniques and all
not many can truly appreciate it this level, especially with their nice tone i felt that they should perhaps choose a piece with more melodious lines?

I am not a position to tell people who is better or so on,
but, I can tell which performance was my choice of 2days.
defenetry, RJC's Daphnis et Chloe, they played very well orchestra sound
and well interpreted of French Impressionism.
That was the really greatest performance to me.
VJC and TJC are my choice too.

i thought all 3 bands (vj, sa and hc) performed superbly well today.

hc has a nice and warm tone and great musicality. the singing part was super hair-raising!

nice oboe solo in el camino real!

very soloistic, daring and musical solos in vj's choice piece (especially the oboe solos! woo!)

Firstly, congrats to AJC for getting today's one and only GWH.
Actually personally I thought (using AJ as a benchmark) many more schools today, namely VJC, SAJC and NYJC would have gotten GWH but oh well... sometimes we just dunno what the judges are looking out for.
Anyway, I heard AJC today and I felt that their Overture 1 and With Heart and Voice were pretty normal, in fact their version of With Heart and Voice was not as good as other schools who had played With Heart and Voice for SYF before... then again, perhaps there are some areas which are pretty impressive that could only be heard by the judges...
On the other hand, i thought SA's El Camino was very clean and nice and VJ's version of Overture 2 was impressive, much more obvious choice for the GWH...
and stop the skirts issue... please give respect to the girls in the band....

honestly i thought vj and sa did a fantastic job and they were obviously the best bands of todae.. brilliant display of musicianship.. heck tt medal.. gold is the new honours...

when vjc, sajc and hc's results were announced
i decided not to judge singapore's jc bands by their awards anymore

We all know how we feel about this season's syf. What is most important is that some of these bands know that they did perform well and have the recognition of the majority. Any amount of medals will never be enough to put some of these bands' effort to justice. So lets just put aside the entire award system and give a round of applause to those who had left a positive impression to others. Good job Cjc, Vjc, Sajc, HCI and Nyjc. Vjc's trumpet section was really good. Precision was impressive. Definitely something i would never forget. Not forgetting Sajc's excellent blend, harmony and artistic expression which had me sitting half of my seat unknowingly as well as HCI's choice piece which made many had goosebumps.

I was in the audience today and I thought that sa and vj both deserved a gwh.

today's MY choice was VJC and only one band.
overture was well controled with natural and reasonable interpretation.
choice piece was most avangard music of the whole SYF i guess and they managed to play really well.

(((: It's enough to know that we impressed the audience isn't it? Even being out of the band scene for so long doesn't stop that warm stirring in my heart when I read all those praises. VJCSB I am proud of you. (((:

2009-04-28T15:01:00.003+08:00

NUS BBA or NTU BAcc? The more opinions I hear, the more my inclination sways. Like a pendulum, going to and fro. Do I want value brain or character development more? NTU gives a very rigorous curriculum and you can be sure that your accounting knowledge wil be of a certain calibre. NUS gives a holistic development within a good culture and school environment. Thinking back, I realised I placed more importance on school culture, hence ending up in VJ instead of HCI or RJ. I never regretted my decision, though I do wonder if my life will turn out different if I had gone to the other two schools. At this stage though, is school environment or your qualifications going to matter more? The NUS bidding system doesn't appeal to me; neither do NTU's location. I am sourcing out for more imformation but it seems like the more perfect my information gets, the more confused I get. Deadline is nearing. O.o

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Scholarship interview today was rather enjoyable. Even the general knowledge section was not as bad as I thought. All the facts that I crammed into my head for GP still stuck, lucky for me. But it still doesn't change the fact that I still can't manage A LOT of questions. The discussion was a rather refreshing insight into the characters of the other interviewees. How the whole floor was ran by the same two people and other people have to constantly cut in to steal some of their limelight. Impromptu speech, debating, rebutting and controlling the whole floor is quite a new but enriching experience for me. I think I did the best I could and well, it's a learning experience even if I don't get any offers.

Anyway. this world is so damn small. XD

2009-04-21T22:50:00.002+08:00

I feel like such a bad friend recently. )): Like I can't seem to remember the important things happening in my friends' lives. There was Jiaying's interview today which I so totally meant to send my well wishes but it just slipped my mind. Then there was Yizhen's driving test which I completely forgot until up to a moment ago. And there is Kai's law interview tomorrow and I can't seem to remember which university it is going to be. I wish it's just a tempporary memory lapse. I hope it is. Coz I can't seem to concentrate at work too; people walk into the office without my notice even though I sit nearest to the door, I get names wrong when i take phone messages, I speak incoherently when I answer the phone. ))): I hope whatever is happening to me now will pass soon.

2009-04-21T16:36:00.002+08:00

MURPHY'S LAWS

1.Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2.Everything takes longer than you think.
3.Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4.If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
5.If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
6.If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
7.Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
8.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9.Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
10.Mother nature is a bitch.
11.It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
12.Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
13.Every solution breeds new problems.

LOL. And I thought Murphy's Law was some chimology law that I can't seem to comprehend. XD

2009-04-20T20:47:00.003+08:00

Since I have nothing better to do, I read my sister's issue of Broader Perspectives and I got totally inspired by this line:

Do not despise those who hope, for beyond those who are blindly optimistic are men and women whose hope stems from character and experience, and who are wholly committed to translate everyone's hope into genuine change.

Well, I disagree. (hint to stop if you don't want to read a GP essay)It seems more likely that with experience, you will be less hopeful isn't it? How everybody started off with so much faith that the world will provide, and gradually losing hope when hope fails you constantly, leaving you with that dark and empty feeling inside you. When you have that much hope, you naturally have greater expectations. In the event that things turn out bad, it hits you like nothing hits you before. The instant your hope is sapped out in that one moment, the instant where the world transformed from Disneyland to a barren desert, the disappointment you suffer when you realise that hope has failed you. We don't despise people who hope but we become wary of becoming hopeful. I remember this quote from Joy Luck Club :"What was worse, we asked among ourselves, to sit and wait for our own deaths with proper somber faces? Or to choose our own happiness?" And then the women trapped in war chose to hope; to hope that the war will end soon and they could have their lives back. But even hope dies. Where can you find the strength to continue to hope despite the many setbacks?

Just like how your dreams and amibitions fade away as you grow up when you get opinions and changing priorities, you lose hope that you could ever become a doctor, a lawyer, an entrepreneur. Hope keeps you going, but can hope put food on the table? Can hope provide you with the necessary qualifications to survive this rat race? Hearing the government preach pragmatism for almost 20 years of my life certainly hasn't help me to keep believing. Hope gives you happiness, but it is only momentary. It is only when you feel helpless that you turn to hope as a last resort. THAT is reality.

2009-04-17T23:08:00.004+08:00

A few concerts to advertise (:

Jubilate VI
22 May 730pm
Republic Poly
Tickets at $30.

HCI Dance Night
22 May 730pm, 23 May 230 & 730pm
HCI auditorium
Tickets at $6.

Majestia
23 May 730pm
VJ PT
Tickets at $10.

Will be attending 2 out of 3 I suppose. To make up for my aesthetically lacking life right now. Interested please tell me! Im helping people to promote. XD

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Finally caught Shopaholic. ((: I think going to the cinema is a rather addictive thing. Already, Im waiting to watch 17 again and this-dance-show-which-title-I-have-forgotten. And I just saw the Half Blood Prince trailer on Youtube! It sure looks exciting. (: Half Blood Prince is one of my favourite books in the Harry Potter series; Im gonna be damn pissed if they screw this movie up too. The pensive and the memories! And the horcruxes! Ahhhh please come soon.

A weird twist of fate has got me working for one more week past my resignation. Call me stupid.

2009-04-16T22:33:00.004+08:00

A huge relief to finally receive acceptance letters from both universities. (: Im beginning to think that my application to ntu got lost in cyberspace. Hmmm but now that university is becoming more of a reality, Im starting to waver in my decision. Like, do I really want accountancy? Do I want it because I forced myself to believe that I am suitable for accountancy? Am I influenced by the people around me into thinking that accountancy is a worthwhile job to have? Right now, I only know about accountancy on the surface. I understand that it will be taxing and tedious and all that, but will I get sick of it in the days to come? And dread work everyday? You can't really change your career path in Singapore without truckloads of money. Right now Im hesitating between schools I guess. I need opinions.

Anyway, I can't believe that I actually forgot to apply for financial assistance for nus. Lucky there are nice and understanding adults who can tolerate the carelessness and tardiness of youths like us.

2009-04-10T22:27:00.002+08:00

Today is the most relaxing day I had in a while. No need to suppress my urge to spout vulgarities, no need to answer phone calls, no need to behave like a spoiled brat with a major attitude problem. :] Although Im really tired -fell asleep during Madagascar- and my shoulders are aching like hell after lugging 63 sets of worksheets from Tanjong Pagar to Toa Payoh.

All in all, Im glad to have some of my life back. Wayne's birthday party where all was just booze and bbq, hangout day at Yizhen's house plus some free performance at Xinru's church tomorrow. Come next Thursday and I would have more of my life back!

Talks with Kai are always so inspiring and comforting. Really opened my eyes to what the world is like in so many different perspectives. How certain aspects of each person matter more than others for different people. Ive come to the conclusion that friends can only stay friends if both sides make the effort to bond and interact, if only one side is even a little unwilling, the friendship will not last. Simple logic to grasp but I didn't really accept it before I guess. I always thought affinity was enough.

Ive come to accept that Im not a loser who quits her job the moment she can't stand it but someone who is human enough to want to stand up for her rights when they are being violated. Frankly though, if I wasn't so easily influenced, I may be able to handle this job in a better way. In any case, I shall just treat this as a learning experience. It's just 4 more days and I don't have to see any of the staff there anymore.

Okay, I think I seriously need my bed.

yay i quitted

2009-04-06T22:36:00.002+08:00

After debating long and hard, I finally did something out of character. I quitted! Okay not immediately `cause of the ridiculous 7 days advance notice policy but I voiced it out and am going to submit my resgination letter tomorrow! I was thinking, why should I bear the brunt of all the dirty work just because I need income? It's not as if I have other sources of income. And why should I torture myself dreading work everyday and feeling so angry for their insensitivity every single second of work? This is my last holiday until retirement and why shouldn't I do whatever I feel like? And then I remembered my resolution at the beginning of this year - to loosen up and not worry so much. At least Im sticking to one resolution huh. I feel so emboldened haha. I actually dared to tell off my manager, even though she's a B**CH. I probably ruined my own reputation and my school's, `cause my school was a big part of why they hired me. But who cares right?? I mean, they are used to temp staff quitting after 2 days. And Im considered not bad already. I lasted 3 and a half. XD Gosh, to think I came close to saying the F word three times in two days. Im behaving less and less like myself. See how important your work environment is! Okay tomorrow I will most probabaly incur their wrath so -deep breath-. Wish me luck for the next 7 days!

2009-04-04T20:35:00.003+08:00

Im back to my hectic life again. Droopy eyelids, big dark eyebags and pimples as huge as pit holes are in fashion again. I suppose I got into this mess myself so I should try to find a way to climb out of it without relying on other people; such as trying to survive at least one month of work. It will be so easy just to not turn up one day and quit okay, since there is no contract and all. But I guess it will be totally irresponsible and out of character for me, since Im known to fight to my death. I certainly hope I won't fight to my death this time. :S That was just a figure of speech y'see. But this may just be my toughest feat so far. After working for only 2 and a half days, I actually said I wanted to quit, almost cried due to the manager's demands, got panic attacks everytime the phone rings, churned out literature worksheets when I didn't touch lit for more than 2 years already etc. Plus Im losing alternate saturdays too. At least there's one temp stuff there that share exactly the same sentiments as me. I realise the temps always think the same way wherever we go. Look at Aviva. ((: Hmmm so far both our plans are to work just one month, get our pay and quit. Sounds so good to me. I guess everything really depends on my finances vs my desire for freedom then. But if Jocelyn quits, Im definitely quitting. I dun want to be the only temp there. They will really work me to death.

At least tomorrow will be a relaxing day. Before the battle begins again.

2009-04-03T16:05:00.001+08:00

WHAT A BTICH!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

2009-03-31T14:06:00.007+08:00

Gold with Honours. ((((((((((((((((:

It started with an expressionless sms from Yizhen, unsure and not daring to raise any hopes. And my first thought was, syf is over already? Then, WOAH!! Zhuer confirmed the news and I spread the news to some of the alumni members. It was "OMG! They did it!", "WHAT!! Miss Sia must be damn happy!", "They are so zai!! So happy!". Seeing my ex-bandmates' joy through those words just escalated my own and there were tears in my eyes okay! All the happiness when we got our Gold 4 years ago came rushing back; those tears of happiness, the craziness after that when we went around annoucing we got gold and cheering our hearts out;I can truly feel the euphoria of every current SNSB member as well as the alumni. It's rather surprising how much Im attached to SNSB after all these years, how I never felt this way about VJCSB even when we got Gold with Honours when I was inside the competition. This time, when it was actually our adorable sec ones leading the band into GWH and Im not in the competition, the success actually feels much more sweet. And of course MISS SIA! Gosh, Im so glad she stuck with the band through all these years, from the first silver to our first gold, even through another disappointing silver and then finally GWH!!! Im so happy I can smile for the whole day. (((: The band finally did it! Not letting Miss Sia's efforts go to waste, showing the school that SNSB is of a decent standard, bringing the band to greater heights! Im so proud of the juniors for achieving what we failed to and the sec fours espcially, for leaving this legacy behind.

SNSB BRAVO!!!

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Okay after reading Xinru's entry, Im on some reminiscing craze listening to all the songs we ever played as a band. I suppose my favourite song will remain Concerto D'Amore. It remains the only song thus far which can evoke strong emotions in me and make me miss the sax. I love the sax soli. (: Next would be Ross Roy I guess. The first song I ever learnt how to play wholly. Another expressive song. The most impactful one will be El Camino Real! It's like the competition piece I can remember the most vividly even though I played it the earliest. Ahhhh sobs. Im beginning to miss band. Just when I thought I would never.

2009-03-27T18:01:00.003+08:00

I love how the St Nicks spirit keeps everybody bonded together, whether as schoolmates or strangers. (:

Happy belated birthday Xinru! (((:

2009-03-25T23:05:00.003+08:00

Your personality type: powerful

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times, you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you extroverted, affable and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

a quiz from Facebook.

O.o That's like so true! Although I think most of the quizzes are actually scams/random, this may be one of the few that hit home.

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Hmmm. I think I get really sensitive when people ask me why Im not learning driving when the rest of the world is, especially in that huh-but-everybody-else-is-learning kind of tone. I never expected anyone to understand exactly why but I really can't stand it when they try to pry in that insensitive and arrogant way. And how some people just take it for granted that everybody is like them, can ask their parents for money just because they want something and expect you to do the same. I don't know why Im feeling so reeled up anyway. Im not lamenting about my situation or anything, I just hope that other people can be more sensitive and understanding and don't make things so difficult for me.

A hundred and one million things to do. Setting myself up for disappointment.

end of debetant francais

2009-03-24T23:23:00.003+08:00

And thus concludes my basic French lessons. I thoroughly enjoyed these two months plus of lessons, even though I got rather lost at some due to the lack of revision. Emmanuel is a great teacher, the class is fun and nice, French is cool! J'aime Français! Je veux des leçons plus françaises!Je veux parler et écrire comme un professionnel! The certificate doesn't look too bad by the way.

I think I will seriously starve to death on a diet. One bowl of fruits later and I am calling out for food. Loser.

Back to the hunt for jobs!

2009-03-23T10:38:00.004+08:00

I wonder why odd years always spell trouble for my family. Plus the sensitivity all around whenever we broach the subject. Isn't family supposed to help one another? I don't want to become so calculative and petty next time. ):

Having some kind of social life is a wonderful feeling. Meetups and Christinana and saiganga warriors. (: Finally got my boyfriend shirt even though it was outdated already. (pppppffft) Then talked about anything and everything under the sun. I realised how we were no longer nonchalant school kids just wanting to have fun anymore. But growing up. ):

our boyfriend shirts. Mieo is a happy girl. (:

Yijie selling lipton tea!

Dinner with saigang warriors was fun as usual. Talking throughout and some more. We practically sat there for 4 hours talking non stop. Oh man I miss them so much. And thanks Aileen for the pizza hut treat! It was very generous of you. (: We must meet up again sometime soon! I didn't bring my camera and Vane's battery ran out. LOL. Waiting for dear Yijie to upload the pictures from her high-megapixelled camera phone.

Hmmm I guess I have to start on the assessment book already. Seriously, the people are so damn inefficient. I better start looking for another source of income.

2009-03-21T00:14:00.002+08:00

I didn't realise freshmen could apply for the kpmg scholarship. I only realised it a few minutes ago, found the website and saw the line "Application closes on 20 March 2009". And it was 12.15 am. Im feeling rather relieved that I don't have to write another essay, yet a bit of regret coz I never research thoroughly enough. Well, I can always try again after my first year. (: For now, I shall just concentrate on any interviews (if Im even shortlisted).

Life's still good. (:

2009-03-18T16:14:00.003+08:00

Phew finally taking a break from all those mind-boggling essays. At least I know Im not the only person cursing at the ridiculity of the questions - just look at the msn nicknames and facebook statements. XD

Life is relaxing for once man. (: Finally had a chance to learn cooking from mum. Although it's only very simple skills like plucking the roots from the leafy vegetables, stir frying and cutting papaya. :P I got splashed by droplets of scalding oil though. Stings. :S Cooking's a novelty. At least for now. I think I will probably get sick of it quite soon though. And movie marathon with my sister. Hotel Rwanda is disturbing. Definitely a good show for gp. XD And Legally Blonde again. Forest Gump is uhm, boring. Somehow all those inspiration movies don't seem so inspiring anymore. Must be overload.

J'aime vie! (((: Finally life don't suck anymore.

2009-03-16T14:28:00.002+08:00

Really, Im honoured that you think so highly of my command of the English language that you don't even bother to rephrase. Put in some effort will you.

2009-03-15T20:54:00.003+08:00

I don't like the way I look on passport pictures. My face is too broad and it makes me look fattt.

A nice change to lead me into the next phase of my life! Anybody knows how to change that picture over that do let me know! html leaves me clueless.

Hmmmm. Seems like not everybody is as frantic as me during this crunch time. Probably annoyed the hell out of everybody who talked to me these days. Sorry guys, stick by me will you? After this whole mess is over I will be nice to be with again. XD When I get enough sleep.

Meanwhile Im enjoying being unemployed. Don't know when exactly the boredom will hit me again. Soon I believe.

It sucks feeling so jaded about everything. How there's nothing I really want to do every single moment of the day; yearning to do something else when Im doing something. Feeling really aimless. And lost.

Oh that's just one of life's many processes.

A level results

2009-03-08T09:10:00.003+08:00

The weight on my shoulders have been lifted after so many months. Although my worries are unfounded, the stress is mounting - making confirmed decisions, writing dozens of essays, making tons of applications - all before the deadline. Somehow, it wasnt euphoria or even satisfaction I felt when I saw my results. I just stared at my results and thought, okay I worked hard and this is what I got. Before Friday, I was pretty happy with life, despite the naggings about results in my head. Seeing all my friends and teachers made me realise that I actually missed school. :/ Being looked after instead of looking out for yourself, having teachers and friends constantly harping on deadlines to keep you straight and focused. Teachers are so much better 'employers'; so much nicer and more understanding. Im glad I managed to track down some of them and thanked them for all their hard work. ((: Although I wasn't actually close to any of them, Im very very grateful to them.

Okay deadlines deadlines!!

2009-03-05T00:17:00.002+08:00

Okay, so my stint at Aviva ended today (technically it was yesterday). Feeling a little sentimental even though I was waiting for this day for so long already. Where else can you get a workplace where the perm staff dont treat temps as though they are transparent? Where else can you get to meet other temps who are willing to go crazy together with you? I admit that although the work is really boring/learn nothing much and all, it's a really good working environment. I was totally shocked when I saw this package on my desk when I returned from lunch and realised that it was a gift from the policy servicing department, with this special note designed by dear Agnes. (: Like woah why the sudden generosity. Not that they were not nice usually but I really didn't expect them to get Jiaying and I gifts. Plus a kinder bueno from Shirley, a wrapped gift from Hamidah, cards from Sandy and Jiaying and Thing Thing, the damn nice (and ex!) yoghurt treat from Stacy and the Aviva letter from Stacy, Vanessa, Yijie! I really felt like crying when I saw all those things but I didnt. I guess I was too tired after going to bed at 2 am in the morning for three nights straight. The 6 of us went around giving our homemade cookies and suddenly everyone wanted to talk to us. I really appreciate all their best wishes and luck for this Friday :S but eh sorry guys, I cant promise I will message you my results. It was a good experience and I have felt really at home wth everybody these 3 months. Will probably miss going crazy with the other temps, walking over to Hamidah, Sandy and Rosalind's desks to ask for work, getting Meiyee to sign my timesheet, borrowing scissors and sharperner from Hui Thing and asking the toilet cleaner whether I can use the toilet every lunch, being amazed everytime we talked to Mei May and Rong Rong coz they dont behave like the manager and executive but more like people our age. I will miss the Aviva tag hanging around my neck too. :/
Waraku with the temps was great too. :) Will be better if we could spend more time outside instead of coming home so early. But Im sure we will meet again. Whether as colleagues or as friends. (: It's a journey well travelled.

2009-03-02T20:56:00.004+08:00

So, results day has been promoted from 'quite-confirmed-6th-march' to 'confirmed-guaranteed-chopped-6th-march'. Im supposed to be quivering with fear now but Im still feeling pretty relaxed. I dont know why this approaching date hasnt hit me like it hit the rest although it feels quite good to still be living in ignorance.

Been enjoying life pretty much right now which is good coz all the happiness is gonna bleed out of my life after this Friday. ); Ive never actually thought school life was boring until now. New experiences everyday, meeting different kinds of people - all adding spice to my life. ((: I suppose being thrown into weird/awkward situations in which you have to deal with on your own really forced me to come out of my cave which I didnt know existed. It makes me feel really grown up. ((: Looking out for myself on deserted paths, ulu places at night and being forced to overcome my fears(dogs!OMG).

It has been a while since I really blogged. Been too tired/no inspiration. But the past weekend has been helluva packed! The whole world trying to squeeze gatherings/outings before doomsday when there will be no cause for celebration. Saturday started with tuition and then my cousins' birthday celebration.

(((:
Then 6A class outing after 6 years. XD All of us ignoring one another in school but talking and laughing like old friends. Basically spent half the time walking around trying to decide what to eat and then we ended at Zhixuan's mansion. Like woah I never knew that Zhixuan was that rich.

Sunday was tuition (oh my life is so routine)and I almost scared the life out of me when the dog ran at me. Cookie making with colleagues was crazy. Chocolate disaster.

....

Great I just locked myself out of my bedroom. How stupid is that.

2009-02-19T22:04:00.002+08:00

I wonder if you will ever see the paper lanterns that the Thais and Japaneses are so fond of setting free stuck midair in outer space coz there's no gravity left.

I wonder if I will ever have enough money.

I wonder if I have any ounce of humanity and compassion in me.

I wonder why some people can just brush off their old friends so blatantly once they make new friends.

I wonder why the world doesn't make life easier for everybody.